'Menschlich' sounds snazzy; the underground reference and the long coriddors. It sounds very top-secret. The underground option also suggests a reason as to Vivien's colouring - lack of light. The ...'s at the end of the chapter seems sinister. Almost knowing.

'He could only imagine what all of it was for. Even now, after being with the organization for over half a year, his fingers itched to dismantle every unfamiliar hard drive behind Menschlich’s many locked doors...' If what I've read so far has been relatively the original, I've skipped alot of things that are very, very good. You use practised[/professional?] techniques (see above quote) that you read in novels, although not very much on FP that are interesting, and give enough suspicion and curiosity to keep you reading. It also seems to we will find the answer soon because not only in the character nosy about it, the way you've written it seem to suggest this, and no doubt a series of interesting events might lead to this.

I'm stealing it all and calling it Clive.

Good chapter ending. M suspense.

'In fact she was a little disappointed that there hadn’t been any real danger after all. What was the point in carrying two Butterfly knives, concealed quite uncomfortably in one’s boots, if one didn’t have the opportunity to ‘defend’ oneself?' Rietje is well written. These line(s) seemed to stand out as almost .. not mocking, but well, not mocking the character, but mocking the over-emphasis on the security/possibility of attack. Nice lines.

'Adair Catarina had come to, in her mind, the ground shaking discovery that something was wrong with Asahel.' I've always loved this line. I'm gonna steal it and make it my pet, and call it Clive.

'Anyway, she’d decided to take her friend’s word when he said it was nothing. Asahel never lied.' Curious line; the never lying part works well to demonstrate that it's serious.

'Maybe because of the shrill whistling, or maybe because quite a number of the passers-by were sadly perplexed about exactly what gender this noisy, blonde whistler was.' Again, I've always loved this. and (ahem, sorry to quote m'dear :p) 'they had been introduced through Artemis. (Adair still saw it as ‘introduced’ while Artemis still insisted that she had simply barged in on his lunch with Asahel and invited herself along.)' Adair's a strong character. Well written. I may have said something about a high number of character sto digest in the first chapters of this in a very old review. If it's just me thinking that you've re-written parts when you haven't, then ignore me: the introduction of characters is fine (- the introduction of Nadir seems quite ethereal and dream-like[/surreal?] which isn't a bad thing) - although, if you have changed parts - then I'd say the changes were good :)

The scene change here: 'Rietje felt the elevator shudder to a stop at the basement level.' seems very professional somehow. Asahel's mood works well followed by Rietje's actions. I'm not sure why, but overall, this chapter seems better & I have a sneaky suspicion you have altered parts. The empathy is well written here.

How DO you pronounce 'Rietje'?

'EDIT: Reposted, 15/10/03. I know, I know, I’m reposting like crazy and it’s appalling. My organizational skills suck. I added in an Asahel scene that I put in before, but took out because I thought it didn’t sound right. I rewrote that scene and added it in again _' Is this the empathy scene? It'd better be because I don't remember this one ebing there - or at least now I feel like I have more understanding about his empathy. Maybe it's just my foul memory. Huhm.

[imation is a foul user]

'.. until he turned the corner and was sure that Asahel and his weird blond friend couldn't see him anymore' I adore this first line. I don't remember it being this good, truly. Maybe it was the age-old porcelain reference that I have stuck oin my head, or maybe you've re-written parts &I haven't noticed; or possibly my memory just awful.

I like this.

You re-wrote it, and it's better. It seems simpler; less over-whelming.

'“Oh, and Asahel... is the first chapter for your book finished yet? I have some time to read it, now,” she added, rocking slightly on the balls of her loafered feet.' It's simple, but effective and works well. I like it and can picture it in my head easily, though I'm not sure of the exact amount you've changed, it seems more controlled in writing.

o *is all intrigued*

i like it! it's original, fresh, well written and addictive! i can't wait to see more, i'm almost hanging on the edge of my freakin' seat. except with my coordination, i'd fall off.

anyway, i like what you've gotten set up plotwise so far, i'm intrigued, entranced and plotting out various scenarios in my head. update soon, 'cus i want to see if my supositions are correct, eh?

Hey! This is really great, although I freely admit to having some trouble following the more migrainy moments :P
M...How old is Vivien again? I think it would be cute to pair him with Artemis...and just make Rietje die or something. Yeah.
And I don't think you've described Artemis' hair yet...could you make it long? Puh-lease? Long hair is hot! *drools*
Keep up the great work (god I sound like a kindergarten teacher)
Wormy

I don't see why you have a problem with this Kal, it's good. No, you don't need to re-write it damnit. (yeah.. couldn't go without 1 of those) Anyway. I like the way you're introducing the subjects so that they're there but somehow just ideas (I can't actually think of an example right now which doesn't help me sound anymore sane..) - I mean it's told as though there's a bigger picture we're going to find out about (no shit) but we're still getting information at the same time. Vivien's adorable lol. You know your characters incredibly well (ns again..) but yeah. It's really good.
p.s. wtf was I on about in some other review? I think I mean you went straight into it.. ('fast ace' .. wtf?)

_ Anyone else have a feeling that Vivien is going to somehow bring Rietje down? Anyone? Heh. I really like your characters' personalities—very distinct and very likeable. More soon! -meijing-

*spews Pepsi* Oh my. How did I miss this? It's awesome! Seriously, I was hooked from chapter one, and now I demand that you continue soon. _ I love the idea of Rietje searching for empaths—strange foundation for a company. And yes, the tension between Nadir and Asahel is wonderful. Kudos for the supporting characters, also; they're as interesting as the main ones. Misc. praise, just because you listen to Gackt and the Inuyasha soundtrack. _ Can't wait for more! -meijing

little confusing because the presentation's so bad.. it sucks it won't upload properly. so the standing in doorway scene got a bit screwed up for me but yeah.. interesting. I'm pleased you finally updated.. maybe I should do the same. bleh. I like Vivienm and you have a .. unique style of writing- some of it seems almost dreamlike.. espcially the sleeping sequence for some odd reason *hmm* :)

Good. Very good. Anyhow,. useless review - I'll talk to you on msn lol.

Hey. I finally got round to re-reading it all.
Corrections to reviews I've made earlier:
don't worry about the number of characters. I guess I just wasn't reading right or something .. I don't know because I've just read it and I know exactly who every character is.. I don't know what my problrem was before. eh.
This is going well. I don't think I've read up to this chapter before, only 5, I'm not sure. But this is definately an interesting chapter, probably one of my favourites throughout. The ending's good. I liked the description of him when he's drunk, it was definately a different take on actions and thoughts but it was original - much better than if he just randomly wailed and uhm, sobbed. or something. Keep writing, I don't know why you get few reviews-it's a really good fic.

hey screwball. i haven't spoken to you forever. it's scary now, i'm not sure why, it's unsettling me. well this is instead of an email lol because i'm too lazy *cough* i have a vague idea of the plot but since I haven't re-read this chapter since the last time it's hazy. I really should re-read it all.
i was skimming the second/third chapter. 2 really is well written. i'm not too sure why but it's .. adult. there was a line I had on paste for liking (something the man-woman friend said about noticing something was wrong - i would find but again, too lazy) but since my computer hung and I had to close all thw dinows, it's refusing to paste it which is always useful.
(if i don't talk to you for a while I'll give you another pointless review on your next chap without reading it. there i threatened).
just be online sometime? i miss talking to you. (plus i always get the strange sentimental feeling of online conversations in that you could be dragged off into witness protection for some random reason and i wouldn't know a thing. perhaps it's too much sugar but i doubt it. *feels stupidly sad*