First off, it's about time you got something up. Why does it seem that the "Yasuh"s come out of nowhere. Still good, especially the part about the laughing Raymond, and him being Akidan's father is funny enough to have anyone rolling on the ground. Jakia and Akidan, *also get's violently sick* and that's what I have to say about that. Normally I would cut off an arm for not updating quiker, but you need both to type so I'll let you off for now.
Till next time.

Nice chapter, although the thing with Miosa the White Lord of Chaos was somewhat confusing, with her suddenly having two names and all. I'd also like to know how Akidan knew of The Beatles, leagends they may be, but did the really last that long? and finally, when you decided to try and beat me to a pulp, who was saying "Ow"? I'd never give chase with a battle ax, dagger or drumstick, my weapon of choice would be either my clan sword or a herring. Oh and I say your site ad for the story, that's how I found it.
You keep writing and I'll keep reading.
-"I've travled the world and I must tell you, I think the idiots have taken over."

It is good and tells you exatly what happens. It also has emotion showed from the character. I like it!

Nice cliff hanger at the end, I can also see that your charecters have more depth now too. You still have to keep in mind where you want your story to go and how quickly you want it there, but that's up to you and I'm just gonna wait until you have another chapter posted, hopefully soon. It's a pleasure reading your work.

I like it, but maybe you should also describe your charecter's a bit more. Write more soon.

write more soon, hopefully you won't run out of ideas soon.

Cool! WRITE THE NEXT CHAPTER! HURRY! I like how you made her 'know' the school, not like explaining it to us as we go. COOL COOL COOL STORY!

Hey! Good work. I love the originality of it all. Keep it up.

Very well written. is that the end or the first chapter?

Hi! I'm just communicating with my readers; on I'm Admiral Sundance. Read some of that stuff, though it's a bit...off.

You were right!

JUST WRITE FASTER AND MORE! AND DO MORE STUFF ON FANFICTION, TOO!

YOU ARE AMAZING, AS ALLWAYS!

Keep writing!

Jesmajak