|Reviews for Lord of Skies|
| Anumati chapter 3 . 11/20/2003
I hate your present tense.
This transformation has a lot of reactions for me. In one way, I'm glad that it happened, though now they're none of that interesting facet of shallow insanity. Also, I think this transformation happened a little too quickly. At the same time, I think it suited the story well. This second point will become more obvious to me depending on how the rest of the story unfolds.
I like people who can teach themselves. I find it very admirable, since I have had to do much of that myself. It can be very hard.
Your use of language is mature and open without being the least bit vulgar for vulgarity's sake, which is the trap that some people fall into. Good job.
My only real criticism here is to stop dawdling soon and get on with the story - the present-time scenes do this somewhat, but they are so abstract on a first read through that they are almost useless. You are okay for now, but the plot will start to suffer if you don't do something with it soon.
| sixpennyFaggot chapter 1 . 11/17/2003
what the fuck is Darius. This is truly the whitest garbunzled junk heap of less than fantastical mumblings about nothing that I have come upon in the last ten seconds.
| Anumati chapter 2 . 7/28/2003
Wow. The boy's a little cracked. Chasing mindlessly after a girl her barely knows? It's delightfully nuts, and it's a psychotic twist to menace the character with.
I still can't quite find where the whole chute-thing fits in with the story, but then again I don't think you're finished with the back story.
Oh, and I think the backstory is interesting. The fact that it's unbalanced doesn't bother me, because the whole thing flows. The fact there's no teenaged boys is a good atmospheric fact that I liked.
That boy's crazy. God I love him. DAMN YOUR PRESENT TENSE!
| Aero-Rhapsody chapter 1 . 7/25/2003
Pretty good for a venture into the unknown, well, pretty much unknown. Actually, very good, i like it. But the beginning kinda grosses me out ; I just wanna know, wouldnt the boy show some input at the end when his father dies? But overall, i think that it is very well structured, i mean by a storyline.
| Calliandra chapter 1 . 7/24/2003
This is a pretty good beginning. It raises a lot of questions, though I would suggest answering (at least in part) why he is crawling through filth. Good plot line so far!
However, the switches between 3rd person and 1st person are a bit jarring. Even if you are using flashbacks, you can still use 'he' (third person) to convey that. Good luck!
| Anumati chapter 1 . 7/24/2003
It's different for you, but you're right, it's very standard fantasy fare. Aran and his son (Is there a reason you never say his name?) are both interesting people, mostly for their arrogance. The murder plot on Aran is an old tactic, never the less one used quite frequently on unwanted rulers throughout history.
I definitely want to see some of the world/culture/people you've created because we get only a tiny taste here.
One thing: Avoid explaining anything in parentheses unless absolutely necessary or you can think of no possible way that it could be explained in any other place in the story. Explaining your exposition right off the bat looks a little lazy.
Otherwise, a good diviation for you and your writing. What's with the killings in all of your stories?