This is hauntingly beautiful...the impact is too great!

Wow... i love this!

ditto!

('soul erect'- cool image)

Perfect timing and great rhyming- this was such a steady beat that it felt incredibly controlled and cold.

Sharp descriptions- everything pierces your heart 'kill the torment', 'lifes cruel farce', 'ashes meet'- it's so vivd and strong the whole way through!

The last line is chilling- it's the beginning of something big...

Oh, I love it, fantastic pieces here. I love the way you tell stories through your poetry, it gives you a very unique style and it's a very original idea (I think), I love these two, fantastic!

Wow your truly brilliant at this story telling type of poetry. I remember reading your Aries lover poem and thinking it takes ridiculous talent and lots of patience to begin and finish something like that, and here you are again doing another one. Kick ass!

Favorites: ::Poisoned tears chill her senses, calm her fears:: It's like i can see the tears running down her and kind of attempting to wipe away her sorrow.

::life's cruel farce::

::as dark as midnight as cold as hate::

::then facing forward soul erect, she slowly takes a single step::

I mean there is too much for me to comment on, it is fantastic.

Cheers!

muahahaa, very cool, im totally into the build up of the story, in fact im utterly in awe at the absolute i dont know, why dont they have words for these type of things...totally illigal by the way...its very haunting and i have the most perfect picture in my head with this girl slowly walking towards the rest of her...dead life?...im not sure, but it has definitley additicted me to the story purely because this is totally my kinda thing. i especially liked the overall picture you gave of this woman walking down like a fiery flight of stairs, it really was a great picture because i kinda hvae this thing with her all ghostly, the stair case pitch blakc and these flames just everywhere and her walking through them, its just amazing.

hm my fav lines would hvae to be...

"The first of many flaming stairs.

She looks behind her at the earth"

"Now stands a curtain still and black;

She knows that she can not go back."

i dont know why but it all seems to compliment each other, every single line seems to be there for a reason and not just for throw away purposes, perfect. beautiful chica, totally waiting in suspence for next chapter, kudos! - so glad youve already written them all lol.

dark and very foreboding, esp at the end there, muchly love this so far, its extremely well written as all of your poems/poem stories have been thus far and this one is giving me the chills, really want to konw where this is going, even this chapter, the flaming stairs, love that part "Thus leaving living's wry and parched/Existence;" love that line(s), anywayz, muchly loved and cant wait for more, incredible job

OOh another chapter! I'm sympathizing with her even more now, and waiting expectantly for the next chapter and knowing what happens... I love the line 'soul erect' - it made me think of what it must have taken to live in hell and yet keep your soul from becoming dark, twisted, cowed over...keep it confident, proud, even...hopeful? Once again...I love it.

Camila

Unbelievable. You are SO good at painting that perfect mental picture, clearly and vividly. What a great job. You are juct as adept with rhyming verse as freestyle. "Dark as midnight, cold as hate" was the perfect pair of metaphors. "Soul erect" was awesome, I knew what you meant perfectly. "And down she moves, her footsteps sure/Despite the fire they endure" was the best. It just worked so well. Kudos on an excellent poem. You rock !

ELise

wow, the imagery in this one...just wow, beautifully written, another story too, love them, cant wait to see where you take this, awesome job

Wow. You definately packed a lot into that short opening. I really love the rhythm of it - you can almost hear chanting in the background. I also like the way you show both the present and the past, though scars/echoes (or memories). Fantastic. I love it!

Camila

HOLY CRAP

breathe breathe ann breathe...HYPERVENTILATING HERE

hell chica why didnt you warm me...another one, breathe breathe, *gets paper bag and breathes*

ok first off, hvae i mentioned lately how much i love you! thankyou for starting up another one, i mean all of your poetry kills me but especially works like these, i melt, i truly do...in fact...i think you deserve an e card..hm...intriguing, new favourite word*

god, this whole poem, is just really really amazing, like the first bit, just everything assaults you with images of suffering and utter desperation, it was so strong, it stung, in fact I got a light coating of goosebumps al over my skin. It was delicate and yet it was so meaningful and implied so many things. Im sure as it goes on ill figure out whether she is evil, or whether she has just had a really really really hard life…but im addicted already infact to my embarrassment ive already read it like 5 times already..probebly more..but hey! Now I would have been the absolute first person to read this if it wasn’t for the internet not working at the instance I was submitting a review and my sister than coming to take me out….so to my dismay I am the SECOND person…which pisses me off infinitely…but at least im reviewing right? GR. Hmm. Im calm don’t worry. Ok well im off to review your other one now *yay* once again thankyou so much for posting another one, kudos to the highest.

Okay, so I read this once just to feel the rhythm and tempo of the poem. It felt really natural and flowing, with a steady beat. So then, i went back and delved into your lines, seeing for myself the picture you were painting. WOW...i can see this tormented, immune goddess of hell...you've done such a good job describing everything. I think my favorite line was "...deeds fone in the name of mars", and also "the blackened pits of satan grow" because you could have used "glow" but grow was better. i dont know why, it just was. I almost felt sorry for this lady, and almost wanted to be her. you are so good at doing that !

ELise