Reviews for Madison Avenue
PearlinTheMist chapter 16 . 5/29/2006
just one bad thing before all the good stuff. BOO THAT ENDING SUCKED ASS! I know how stories get you get sick of them and I do have to say that I fell in love with Macon... I mean the story, the story! For being sick of the story, you did one hell of a job with it. Sure it has the whole happy ending thing goin' on, but I wouldn't have had it end any other way.I love you Macon. I mean... this was a good story.
SolisLuna chapter 16 . 4/3/2006
Great story, truly loved it! Can't wait for more!

raelia chapter 16 . 4/3/2006
damn this was good. i was laughing so hard in the beginning. way to tie it up. the whole africa thing gives it a unique touch. great job. this was super sweet.
ChristyK chapter 16 . 2/28/2006
nice way to wrap it up! Good job. Keep writing! And if you need to leave me a comment about anything I've said, it's "written". My pen name, I mean. I hope you don't take offense to anything I've said. I think everyone, including myself, could benefit from some constructive criticism. Cath you later, and keep writing!
CK chapter 14 . 2/28/2006
spacing and dialogue issues again. writing dialogue certainly comes with practice though. i think all these chapters could do with fleshing out and more "show don't tell".

for example, lets look at your first chapter. a girl never introduces herself by talking about how she wears tight tees and cargo pants and has italian hair and irish skin and large emerald eyes and is too beautiful naturally to be true.

Instead, you could have written someone saying something like "Wow, nice cargoes! Just kidding. Why don't you ever wear something else?" or something like that, later on in the chapters, so we could be slowly introduced to her. Or really, once macon saw her, he could compliment her "green [or blue/violet, whatever] eyes" and how lovely it looked and how he likes girls who can get away without makeup. Maybe you could have said she got her long red hair stuck on something, so you didn't draw vain attention to it, but we knew it was there.

These are just rough suggestions of things that really detract from an otherwise fun story.
CK chapter 13 . 2/28/2006
I must say, I thought it was witty how you wrote the bit about loving the girl and the hoodie too. It sounds like something a guy would actually think/say. I loved it.
CK chapter 12 . 2/28/2006
No comments really on this one. nicely done, same as my previous comments really. all of it still applies. your spacing is a little weird too . . .

overall, good though.
ChristyKay chapter 11 . 2/28/2006
Cool. Maybe you could try varying your style a bit. You started almost every paragraph with dialogue like this:

"blahbalh" blahbalkhablahab.

"blahblahblah!" blah blah balha

"blah" blahablahab

this makes your writing start to sound to rhythmic. try this:

"blahblah" blahbalah.

blahbalha "blahblah"

blahbalahbaa, "blahabalh!" blahblahblah

You know, varying where you put the dialogue. Makes the writing sound a little better.
Christykay chapter 10 . 2/28/2006
It seems kind of obnoxious that she gets kidnapped more than once, but I like how you dealt with the last romance she had with devin. pretty realistic.
ChristyKay chapter 5 . 2/27/2006
No offense, but your main character is a marysue. You spend WAY too long talking about how naturally beautiful she is. Also: In the first chapter she has "eyes like emeralds" and later, here, she has blue violet eyes? Did she get colored contacts? Also, why doesn't she need eyeliner? I don't think any girls NEED makeup, but the girls with black hair need eyeliner the least, because their eyelashes are already so defined. Girls with red hair usually have very red eyelashes, and it's not defined, though it does look very cool without makeup. But its not the same thing as "not needing eyeliner". I also like how brown eyes with gold flecks are boring. Guess all of us brown eyed girls are s.o.l.

Why has she been kidnapped, and why doesn't she care? Stockholm syndrome?
ATH-dreams chapter 16 . 11/12/2005
this was really good. I i hope to see more of your work soon.

Tristanlover59 chapter 16 . 7/22/2005
wonderful! i loved the entire story! keep up the great work!
A-Train chapter 16 . 6/17/2005
Lol. I loved this story.
Peg Pannery chapter 16 . 6/16/2005
*sniffs sobs cries* I can't believe this story is finished. Great job!
A-Train chapter 16 . 6/15/2005
Good job!
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