Reviews for The Demon King
Seraindipity chapter 2 . 10/1/2004
Your plot is good, your writing is tolerable, but something in the literature yhou exude tells me you could do better.
ConfectusPapilio chapter 3 . 1/31/2004
Once again, thoughts and more description are needed, but it isn't that bad for lack of it...
Some past for your charactors might be helpful, develop them a bit more.
ConfectusPapilio chapter 2 . 1/31/2004
once again, interesting, however I do suggest more description and emotion, if this had been handled differently, it would be much more effective in style.
But I'm rather picky...on to chapter three...
ConfectusPapilio chapter 1 . 1/31/2004
Very interesting...good descriptions, however maybe short to be calling a chapter, but that is your choice...need to take a look at the rest on the story.
Angloth chapter 3 . 10/3/2003
I'm finaly getting around to reading your story! It's really good! Your descriptions are great and the story looks like it should prove very interesting :) Keep it up!
hiro0911 chapter 5 . 9/16/2003
finished reading up to here. Hadius' curiosity brought him to a lotta trouble. Now he's off fighting those demons and he's starting to have weird dreams. Heh, but you have to work on your spacings and your story's too fast paced. I suggest putting more speaking lines to promulgate animation to your characters.
Icarus-Rising chapter 5 . 9/14/2003
Good story!

You may want to name the chapters, it is more enjoyable to get an idia of what you are about to read.

In chapters 2,3,4, and 5 are all long an not spaged or indented. It is easier to read and mot as confusing if you space at the begining of a paragraph and crap like that.

Thanx for your review for The Lost Dimensions. Gave me a little encouragement to write more.

So you are in a band? I saw your homepage and man you have a nice set up going with that. Where do you live? cuz i almost went to a 'battle of the bands' in Maine and i was wondering if you are anywhere neer there.

~Enter the Matrix
hiro0911 chapter 2 . 9/13/2003
howp! this is cool. The names sound cool too. Just one thing - when you upload, make sure your file is saved as HTML format and not as MS WORD document or it would end up losing all the indentions and proper spacing. Your work looks a little crowded, if you know what I mean. . . It ends up looking rather short and difficult to ride along with. Spaces serve as breathing lines, dude. They are little aspects, but they mean a lot. And the story's too fast paced so mellow down a bit (well, i admit that's better than being too slow - where I'm guilty at btw. damn it.) Ha, i'll continue this on the next weekend. lotsa freakin exam going about I have to study, dude.

e-mail me of your updates

check out my fiction website a : / / w w w . . t k
JBFoster chapter 5 . 8/28/2003
VERY COOL. I love this story. There's only one problem though. You do have an enter key right? and a Tab? USE THEM! Paragraphs were invented for a reason. It helps to "organize" your writing and makes it easier for the reader. Your chapters would also be slightly longer too.
pleasecometrue chapter 1 . 8/26/2003
good start to an interesting idea. thank you for your review, and keep writing!
crypticalphabets chapter 1 . 8/21/2003
I just checked my story and saw your review. You reviewed my fic and asked me to review yours in return. I think this is an unique one out of the traditional format of fantacies. Write more and keep up the work!
TraptNEncryption chapter 3 . 8/16/2003
Hey. Great start, Its very creative, I like it. I thought I would return the favor of reviewing since you reviewed mine. I tried to email you, but i found out I typed in your email address wrong the first time and it didn't send. I Just wanted to say thank you, and to be patient, there is much more to come.

Keep up you work, its got a good start.

Psychotic Cheeto chapter 3 . 8/16/2003
You reviewed my story, and asked for a review on yours. I like it a lot. It has the kind of wording that makes people thirsty for more. If you are looking to make it longer, add more adjectives as to where the characters are and what they look like and such. Keep writing!
Kehris chapter 3 . 8/15/2003
Interesting story and a bit difficult to read since most of it is all in one huge block. ;
My Little Poet chapter 2 . 8/15/2003
this story is very interesting, there are some interesting concepts and ideas beginning to form. one thing i think you should look at is paragraphing. another is sentence structure. here are two examples of what i mean:

"He has sustained to great of blood loss to live for much longer." Tell me, does this make sense? You just need to reread it and try to rearrange it, add some words, take some out, whatever.

"He is conscious now, but asleep." You can't be conscious if you're asleep.

Other than that, it's very good, very interesting. Keep it up and thank you for your awesome review! :-)