oh, i liked this one too! i liked this one best-est so far. the idea of it really struck me. unfortunatly i cant help you with the "rough" parts because...well, i cant smooth out my own, ya know? anyways, this was great

~color outside the lines~

Hi! I've got the wanderlust too. And a star to sail her by and all that. You're right, it's a little rough, but it makes perfect sense. Maybe you should work on it a little bit and order it into something everyone can understand, not just the people who know what you're talking about.

-mi