|Reviews for Perfect Family|
| myno chapter 1 . 1/7/2005
we all feel like that at times... Written with a simplicity that makes it all the more poignant.
| A Face Worth Remembering chapter 1 . 1/1/2005
I am all to familiar with that feeling. I think that really sums it all up.
| Arcane Hero chapter 1 . 11/26/2004
I have had the exact same moment. But I don't write things that personal. My parents enjoy going through my files and then they'd find it and we would sit down and have an hour long talk and they'd threaten to send me to counseling...again. Sometimes Its actually easier to sit in quiet misery and contemplate death, than it is to talk to the people you have the problem with. Well it is for me anyways. Great poem though.
| angel of sorrow n darkness chapter 1 . 9/26/2004
wow so deep and sad and wow
| Arabella Clemontine chapter 1 . 11/17/2003
thats such a good poem. it makes my throat tighten.
| swirlygirl chapter 1 . 9/6/2003
that is so sad...but it is a great poem!
| Anaiya Illyria chapter 1 . 8/30/2003
this is good i know what this feels like too
| Silence-endlessecho chapter 2 . 8/28/2003
I like your first attempt better. I actually think it has more emotion. I get what you mean. About stating it like cold facts because the speaker is so used to it, when that only makes it stand out more in the tragedy behind it. No one should have to get used to those things. A family - step family - whatever - should be made to feel whole. I think taking pains to make it rhyme wasn't necessary and took away from the realism in the poem. I really liked the first one. It's hard being on the outside and looking in when you're in your own home. The feeling was presented well and the simplicity it was written in gives a great contrast to the complexity of stepfamily dynamics.
| Shadafakup chapter 2 . 8/24/2003
I admire writers who can work upon criticism, and come up with something better than before..
Well done for this one.. Its better than the first attempt.. I got to say it flowed much better and there was more rhythm..
Pardon me for critcizing the fact that the piece lacked emotions.. I had no idea that was your intention..
Anyway, there's still room for improvement, but it certainly is better than the first..
| AutumnRhapsody chapter 2 . 8/22/2003
Wait...son? Now I'm confused. Yeah, I think that this one is a little bit better, but they are both good.
| Mime chapter 2 . 8/21/2003
I like this one better than the other one, although they were both very good. Keep writing!
| Mime chapter 1 . 8/21/2003
I know how that feels. I feel the same way sometimes, only I've got a brother instead of a sister. Don't worry, everyone's life is hard.
| AutumnRhapsody chapter 1 . 8/20/2003
I think you can tell the feelings, and sort of feel them; it's very emotional, and yet somehow distant, like maybe you don't quite believe it?
I really like the last, short stanza.
| Indigo-Andie chapter 1 . 8/20/2003
well lets see u want constructive critiscm so... i think you could maybe take out some words so that it seems more like poetry instead of prose just with no punctuation. like in the first stanza you can leave out because, its just understood. well that's just a suggestion. also maybe you could develop more of your emotion like people understand you feel you don't belong but you almost seem not to care... i dunno just suggestions.
i do like your poem many times i feel i don't belong but then who doesn't?
| The intellect chapter 1 . 8/20/2003
i like... not exactly the same situation but i can relate, trust me.
the ending is very effective as just two lines and not three.