|Reviews for Untitled|
| ccazale chapter 1 . 9/24/2005
this is going to be your 16th review, and still you do not continue, it is very interesting, and i want to know what happens next, so PLEASE update
| Anastata chapter 1 . 7/15/2005
O kool i like it so far update soon! Natasha
| method acting chapter 1 . 7/10/2005
What is with loads of fictionpressians being obsessed with vicors (or vampires and that bit) I thought that this was alright. Good writing, in any case. The plot didn't appeal to me. I'd say continue if you were planning on making longer chapters and a zippier plotline. Nice job here.
| Perfectly Flawed chapter 1 . 1/4/2005
Oh, it was awsome! Brilliant. Beautiful. I felt as if I could relate to her, as if I was her.
Please, do continue!
| hottgoddess chapter 1 . 9/4/2004
I am scared ah
| sagejay chapter 1 . 8/26/2004
it would be nice to know why the vampire came to fala. you should do a background story of fala and zather to make the reader understand the reason why zather came to fala. oh, and why didnt fala fight off the woman? if she was scared, wouldnt she scream or try to run or fight the bat? i dunno...i like it though it was nicely written.
| suckerplucker chapter 1 . 6/13/2004
This story has potential in that the plot of it is very engaging. What I think you need to work on now is your style. it's been said a million times, but 'show don't tell' is definitely the best policy when it comes to writing. Especially in the beginning of this piece there's alot of dramatic potential, especially involving the countdown to midnight. To develop this drama, try and show us exactly what happens, show us the countdown and the creaking of the house. A good idea might be to start the story outside of Fala's point of view and then move into it. Start by describing the clock and the room, and then move on to Fala, move into her P.O.V.
The vampire too is a great oppurtunity for description. Vampires are so fascinating, and are alot of fun to describe literarily (word?).
So basically I love your premise, but the more you show us, and the less you tell us, the better I think this piece will become.
| poeticnothing chapter 1 . 6/10/2004
Well...thank you for taking the time to actually review.
But just so you know that was just the prolouge.
I wasn't finished...it was just an introduction. I never finished it because I didn't even like it that much.
| Zarancids chapter 1 . 6/10/2004
For a first tiemr, it was mediocre. The timing was bit choppy, and the story was just too dame short in my opinion. Yes, I realize it's a "short story", but I would have liked to have seen more development. So, keep that mind in your upcoming works.
| Vagrance chapter 1 . 2/26/2004
Very well written with good character description. Overall a pretty good start.
| Anithrarith chapter 1 . 10/28/2003
Interresting. I like it, update soon. As always, keep it comin'
| E. M. Grinlord chapter 1 . 10/25/2003
Wicked cool! Will there be a chapter two?
| XxXCrookedHaloXxX chapter 3 . 9/16/2003
I really like your story, its really creepy and keeps me on my toes. A few gramatic grammers but oh well. Looking forward to reading more.
| somethingpoeticandmeaningful chapter 3 . 9/13/2003
heheh!:D I love your story scotty!
Wow, it's so awesome! You have to keep updating it! I love it:D
| Faith Teigra chapter 1 . 8/22/2003
Please keep writing! *begs* This is great! My only comment would be to split the paragraphs up more. Unfortunatly, if people see blocks of writing they don't read... but this story has potential, so don't let them walk away! - Also, I love your choice in names, especially Zather.
Usually I don't like the classical vampires (my vamps are VERY unclassical), but your story has me intrigued.