Reviews for Manhatten Cove
Wrong Name Tag chapter 1 . 10/4/2003
Interesting story, so far. Constructive criticism... I would watch for grammar and spelling, 'cause there are a few typos. Watch your tenses toward the last two paragraphs. You went from first past to present and then back to past tense again. Last thing is to pay some attention to dialogue punctuation and make sure you put every word that needs to be in a sentence in there. There were a few sentences (in the narrative, not dialgoue) that were missing a word or so that would have worked perfectly-if you were saying it aloud to someone. On better notes, because I'm feeling like I'm degrading your work or something-which I'm definitely not trying to do-, it's an intriguing story. The poverty somehow reminds me of the Irish moving to New York in the 18th/19th centuries. You have a few awesome descriptions in here, one of them being "Empty and grey they were like the atmosphere in the aftermath of a storm only without that break of sun that makes everything alright again." Just... very nice. I like how you've made her personality rather realistic given the situation and past she's been given. Great job.

Kudos and daisies.

spine chapter 1 . 9/27/2003
I really like this story of yours. But I'll be constructive. One thing that you might want to look into, and this is purely a style thing so you're welcome to completely ignore me, are the phrases you use after some sentances. 'It was a bit stupid, I know.' It might sound better if you took out the 'I know', part. But otherwise it's quite wonderful. Nice work!
votrereine chapter 1 . 9/27/2003
Hey. From what I've read it's good. You may want to edit it and fix up the gramma (which is mostly fine) and especially the spelling. Be careful when you type things. An example: you have 'ahve' instead of 'have. Good luck with writing.