|Reviews for Fraud|
| strawberryaid chapter 1 . 6/12/2005
Maybe you'll continue writing out your songs And realize soon you're quite the writerSpend your time on white lined pagesAnd you'll find your burden so much lighter
Haha... I just had to write a poem in reply to your poem! Very good! I really like the nothing and maybe repetitions. And i liked the line 'I run around in circles just because you tell me to'.
I get the message: we all hurt and feel the same under the masks we wear. awesome...
| Keeper of the Key chapter 1 . 9/13/2003
Great poem, it sounds like an excellent song. :)
| Fae the Faery chapter 1 . 9/13/2003
Hm, the central message of this poem is a weak one, but you managed to hold it up strongly! I liked how you had a repeating refrain, it showed much examination into the narrator's point and how desperate he was to be heard, even if it was the only time. I am intrigued that you switched structures throughout your poem, from the first stanza to the refrain, and to the longer four-line stanzas. It was quite a profound choice, but one I idolize to say the least. It seems to me that the narrator is crying for a naive friend, lover or family member to see him as who he really is. Wouldn't that be nice? If everyone dropped their masks off for a day, not caring how anyone would take them, and just were themselves? I would love to do that... Anyhow, back to you. The only thing I think I can recommend to you is, since your rhythm, style and flow seem not to be lacking at all, that you change the slang word "cuz" into "because" since it better fits the message of your poem. I think the narrator wants to be taken seriously, so give him that chance, my fellow poet. I enjoyed this poem and hope for further more indepth works from you.
Not without respect,