Reviews for Three times in love
Jennacharm chapter 1 . 5/9/2004
Yeah, it is too repetitive. I love refrains, but this is a little much.
But I like the idea, I like the form, and I think its stronger than some of your other work.
The three weeks lines are awkward... too clich├ęd. Do you know what I mean? "Will they last much longer? Check out the next episode of..."
Same with the pain grows stronger, try to put something in there that relates better to the piece.
The three minutes until the world stops, sounds like the apocalypse. And 'hope drops' feels like it was put in there to have the rhyme work. But the rest other then those 4 lines, fits very well. Maybe if you put in, "as if no time has passed" or something to that effect, because the 'at all' throws it off. You should probably have it rhyme with embrace, so you can make space, or erase, or whatever you find at
Maybe you can rework it so it doesn't say 'three' all the time... but I'm at a loss of how you would do that.
But I do like its potential, its a really awesome idea, something I haven't seen on fictionpress.
- Jennacharm
Evelyn Walker chapter 1 . 9/22/2003
This is really good but i agree, sumfing isn't rite in lines 7-8 but I really like it kl!
Mistress Jakira chapter 1 . 9/14/2003
I love this poem! I almost didn't read it when you said it was too repetitive; but it really isn't. The recurring "three" has a mountain of importance here. The time dwindles down and eventually is nothing; the concept is beautiful. _ The only thing that irked me about it was the rhythm was a little broken by the "stops / drops" lines-they were missing a syllable or something that in my mind should have been there. Didn't really bother me a lot, though. I haven't been reading on this site much lately, but I'm glad I stopped to read this. I thought this was pretty powerful; keep up the good work! ~MJ