Man, your grammer is jacked up, but good story ;D

It caught my attention. Some indentations would be helpful (although this could be my computer's fault).

You could combine your sentences into paragraphs for easier reading and also watch your spelling.

Besides that I loved your story! You had me thinking Akeela's story was good, until she read it out loud.

I think the girl obsessed with calculus is hilarious as well as the blackmarket and bar in the bathroom. So not

normal! I like. What happens next? (I'm hooked!) Keep up the great story-writing!

This is great!