Reviews for The Life of A Werewolf
HERsheKISSxoxo chapter 20 . 4/13/2012
Love this story! Can't wait to read the next chapter!
GoldenEyedFury chapter 20 . 3/30/2009
this is really cool. update soon
Estelin chapter 1 . 6/16/2008
this was excellent. keep up the good work and writing. i can't wait for more.
Sexy Vampire Princess chapter 10 . 5/25/2007
love it.
Tenshistar chapter 20 . 8/21/2005
Yay! Another update! I hope you update soon.
Tenshistar chapter 19 . 8/17/2005
i lke this story. i hope you haven't given up on it. Its very good. i can't wait to see what happens next.
theFlameFairy chapter 2 . 10/12/2004
I really should be doing homework, but this is how devoted I am to your story so far.
FOR PREVIOUS REVIEW:
(3) Paragraph #4
(4) Paragraph #5
(5) Paragraph #5
GRAMMAR:
(1)Paragraph 1, Chapter 2, "Lydia's head felt as if a rock was currently resting on it." I'm only pointing out this sentence because it's the first sentence of the chapter and I think it would be more powerful to say "It felt as if a rock was weighing down Lydia's head" or "Lydia's head felt dizzy and heavy" or something that gets the same point across but is a little more powerful in sentence structure.
(2)Paragraph 2, Chapter 2, "...looked like a doctors chair..."
doctor's
(3)Paragraph 3, Chapter 2, "'Who are you?' Lydia demanded, moving her back..." Although this is fine as is, it would be more convincing if put like "'Who are you?' Lydia demanded wearily," or "Lydia demanded in an uneasy voice." She has just woken up from being attacked by a wolf and being severely wounded, undoubtedly losing tons of blood, she probably doesn't say it very fiercely, so soften it up with an adjective. I know, I'm picky.
(4)Paragraph 4, Chapter 2, "icyness" is iciness.
(5)Paragraph 4, Chapter 2, "Moving around the doctor's chairs and tables, Lydia rushed to the door, shoving it open and rushing outside." Should be, "Moving around the doctor's chairs and tables, Lydia rushed to the door, shoved it open, and rushed outside." The second 'rushed' should be changed to ensure fluidity of the sentence; I always automatically stop when I see a word repeated in the same sentence, or a phrase repeated in the same paragraph. It could also be changed to, "Lydia was moving around the doctor's chairs and tables as she fought her way to the door before pulling it open and rushing outside." Or something of the sort.
(6) Paragraph 5, Chapter 2, "Men and woman, mostly in their early to late twenties but some of them were elderly." This doesn't appear to be a complete sentence. If it is intended to be, consider revising the sentence structure and revamping it a little.
(7) Paragraph 6, Chapter 2, "Her head throbbed, forcing her to blink to remain concious." Concious Conscious.
(8) Paragraph 6, Chapter 2, "...trembled harder then usual..." then should be than.
LIKES:
(1) "...her eyelids felt like heavy weights..."
(2) "A soft drip of water was leaking...slapping her forehead..." Great use of personification and also giving an effective contrast...the soft water droplet slapping...soft...slap...you get the picture.
(3) "One of the eyes of his glasses had a magnifying glass on it, making the eye that looked at her three times as big." Good description of a character.
(4) "...encompassing her whole mind..."
DISLIKES
(1)Paragraph 1, Chapter 2, "both felt like heavy weights holding her body down." You used "her eyes felt like heavy weights" earlier in the paragraph so the sentences sound too similar, therefore making the paragraph flow choppier as opposed to smoother.
(2)Paragraph 3, Chapter 2, "My name is Gustav. And I am, as you say, your host for this evening. Come here and let me clean you off." I think you should add a description of his accent. Is it a thick Russian accent as I might guess due to the name Gustav and the "as you say"? Or is it an American accent, and he is an American Mad Russian Scientist, or is it British, to make him sound more scholarly? I'd like more closure on the voice and speech.
END:
I love this chapter, overall. I think you should go back and consider my suggestions, but otherwise this was wonderful. Very great ending, I like where this is going and I think you've got a great idea here. Once again, don't be offended by my reviews, if you are, tell me and I'll stop, seriously.
theFlameFairy chapter 1 . 10/12/2004
GRAMMAR:
(1) Paragraph 1, Chapter 1, "The last time that had happened had been catastrophic..." The "that" should be changed to "it" because it flows more smoothly.
(2)Paragraph 3, Chapter 1, "We plan to find any coyotes and shoot them with a tranquilizer and transport them to a safe location in a desert reserve where we can keep check on them." Should be "We plan to find any coyotes, shoot them with a tranquilizer and transport them to a safe location in the desert reserve where we can keep check on them."
It might even flow better saying, "Any coyotes found will immediately be tranquilized and transported to a safe desert reserve where they will be tested for irregularities" or something like that.
(3)"Suddenly the silence was broken by a loud purring sort of growl." Although this sentence is grammatically correct as is, I think it would flow better as, "Suddenly the silence was broken by a loud purring growl." Once the "sort of" is removed, that sentence would definitely go into my likes column, I love that description "purring growl."
(4) "The thing had began to ram the door." should be "The thing had begun to ram the door." or "The thing began to ram the door."
(5) "There was more of them, there had to be." should be "There were more of them, there had to be."
A grammatical suggestion, though it is fine as it is, dialogue is usually more clear and organized when seperated into new paragraphs as each new person speaks.
LIKES:
(1)"The house was quiet, ceasefire in a war zone."
(2)"Lydia cherished the moment, closing her eyes and listening to the darkness surrounding her."
(3)"She could hear the growls and howls from behind the door as she rushed to the bed and picked up the phone, her shaking hands dialing 911."
(4)"Lydia could feel blood pouring down her sides and arms as the animal's claws raked her body as if digging through her to find something inside." Although this sentence when read is a little awkward, I think it could be a very powerful sentence if it were re-worked. The idea it creates is very vivid and well described.
(5)"Her final scream sent her into darkness." Nice way to end the chapter.
DISLIKES:
(1)"The news was playing. All over Nebraska there had been sudden vicious attacks." It sounds a little too sudden, like saying "It was a beautiful day. Then, suddenly, the nuclear bomb exploded and only the cockroaches survived." Try to be a little more gradual in introducing such a climax to the chapter.
I really like where this is going, a nice, strong, powerful introduction that (obviously) makes the readers want to click "next" and delve right into the next chapter. This is exactly how the first chapter should be...cliffhanger-ish or at least capturing. Good job, and I don't mean for any of my advice to offend you, I really do think this story is great!
greMlin72 chapter 1 . 9/25/2004
oh frightening. werewolf?
aureliasilver chapter 19 . 9/20/2004
Hm...Nice. Have you by any chance read "Bitten" or "Stolen" by Kelley Armstrong? You would definitely like it.
Ghostdreamer77 chapter 19 . 8/7/2004
Wow. That was awsome. I really hope you wright more soon. A few grammer mistakes here and there but the story line really wants to make you read on. I also like how your characters moods sudenly change, to happy, angry, scared, It's very wolf like.
I love wolves! Keep up!
Blindfire40 chapter 19 . 7/19/2004
This story is great! The one thing that would make it better is to add length to the chapters. Everything else, however, is nearly perfect.
BreakingTheHabit2065 chapter 19 . 7/9/2004
hey when r u putting up the next chapter i have been waiting for 5 days! i luv your story keep writting!
BreakingTheHabit2065 chapter 18 . 7/5/2004
This the best story i have ever read i love it pleez continue writing i can not wait till the next chapter thanks
Steph Niebeldor chapter 18 . 7/4/2004
There's nothing more to say than:
YAY!
Love the sudden burst of updates! Hope you updat soon!
.
.
Yours Truly
Hel Niebeldor
48 | Page 1 2 3 .. Last Next »