Reviews for Rough Draft
Rebecca chapter 12 . 2/3/2004
You said:
"I think relationships have to form…I hate stories where like the girl meets the guy and three minutes later they’re getting it on in the backseat of his car. I’m a firm believer that before you love a person, you have to truly know who they are…but hey…that’s just me."
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I completely agree, inside and out. That's kind of a part of why I think that waiting to "get it on" until marriage is the way to go. I mean, if you're truly in love, waiting shouldn't be a big deal, right? It'll just make that first time even better!
I get frustrated with stories that use the term "love" so lightly. There's a difference between love and infatuation.
I don't know... I just think that love should be recognized as something deeper than what most people see it as.
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This chapter was very meaningful. Eve and Matt's relationship has really developed, and you've shown that, which is great.
I was waiting for the Allison and Ricky thing. I'm not sure why, I think I was just hoping...
The romance in this chapter just made my brain say "Aww!"
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I suppose that's all for now. Keep up the beautiful writing!
beccamint17 chapter 12 . 2/3/2004
SUPER
CynicInLove chapter 12 . 2/3/2004
i thought there was going to be something about Ricky and Allison. they'll look good together..or be read good together...any way u see it w/e. the emotion matt shows to eve and vice versa is truly touching i just love the way u describe everything...like the part where u said something about love and that "it coursed through my veins and danced there lazily." i couldnt get over that one..my english teacher always tells us to show and not tell so i think reading this story is very beneficial to me. lol..this is a great story! ur not going too fast which i appreciate because then u can actually feel some of the emotions and visualize how the people are feeling and what kind of expression they have on their faces. great job on that! please update sooN!
snowtiger13731 chapter 12 . 2/3/2004
Okay. . . gotta get myself situated. . . don't think I'll move from this spot for at least thirty minutes. My reviews are way too long. hehe. You updated pretty fast this time! And I'm proud of my new story. . . 16 reviews as of today, AND i got julie to review it. . . TWO pluses. HA! Now if I could only get it on her faves list. . . dat's my goal. I'm STILL jealous of andz for that. . . on ur faves list and in your profile! Gahh, I could kill her for that. . . but I'm working towards it. . . perhaps one day. . . *wistful look* Lol. I wish.
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OOh, Christmas! I like the winter holidays. Winter magic. . . it's awesome. Like that story you had. . . snow. . . good story. . . winter magic. I don't know. . . I just really like it. Especially in NYC. I've always wanted to spend the holidays there. You know. . . go to Rockefeller Center. . . humongous xmas tree. . . walk around n shop with your special someone. . . comfy scarf. . . warm gloves. . . pretty hat. . . pretty coat. . . hot chocolate in one hand. . . stylish purse in the other. . . ahh. Everywhere decorated in lights. . . ESPECIALLY at night. OOh, that's just. . . MAGICAL. Okay, I should stop. I got all that from ONE sentence. Well. . . . . . I'll shuddup and keep reading now.
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Uh oh. Matt's getting weaker and weaker? FUCK. What's wrong with Matt? *worried look* Hmm. . . the "what's that got to do with you not going to work?" seemed a little TOO obvious that you were trying to show that she was going to stay home and take care of him. Or HE was fishing for that. I'd try to make it a little more subtle. Hmm, it seems kind of like Eve NEVER goes to work. We don't talk a lot about her work and being at work. She does have another life outside of Matt and the whole ordeal, and I know you've touched on that a bit, but I'd show her just in the whole atmosphere. . . with Ali. . . helping customers. Ahh, I sound too critical already. plz dun hate me! *hides*
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Aww, I really like the whole caring-for-Matt thing. I think that's always the kewtest thing ever. Haha, and Matt's so honest. . . usually. . . *thinking about the lies he's still got inside*. . . haha, now SHE needs to finish HER shopping. Buh what about HIM? What about HIS shopping? :( Lol. Aww, she's taking care of him again. . . so MOTHERLY! Kewt as hell.
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Hmm. . . the thing about the snowy morning was good writing. All the emotions. . . flowed very well. And the words you used were good. . . I especially liked the "snowflakes swirl in a secretive dance" and the "i no longer had just a few butterflies in my stomach when he kissed me. . . I had a whole flock of them". Great description here.
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AHH! *squeals* It's the Allison/Ricky thing! I remember mentioning this at the very beginning! Hehehe. Allison SO likes him! It was obvious from the beginning. . . when I don't think you meant to put it there. . . hehe, I'm a little TOO perceptive. haha, HAD to mix Colin in here, too, didn't you? *groan* You and Andz with your Colin obsessions. Strange people you guys are. haha, you even put in the whole thing about how it was since he showed up at Eve's house a few weeks ago. This is SO my thing! hahaha just kidding. AHH! But she's not even gunna tell him! STOOPID!
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HA! Comical my ass! I don't think it's comical! I think she should be mad as well about the whole thing! Seeing herself on TV, indeed! HMMPH! LMAO. . . Cosmo! This is good! This is really good! "they'll probably ask me for blow job tips!" Lol. HAHA. ANd now we're picking on Matt. *strange look* But what the heck was up with the whole thing with Matt's virginity and Allison's virginity? Strange.
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Hehe, Christmas morning! "I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to go in my boxers." The humor in this story is good. And I really like the conversations between Matt and Eve. You can tell they like each other and it's just SO kewt! I'm such a hopeless romantic. SO SO SO SO KEWT! *gasp* The ring. . . aww. I'm such a sucker for that type of stuff. *tears*
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You've got some errors in here. During the part where Eve was giving him the sculpture, you had "your welcome" instead of "you're" and there was a part before that where she was talking about "Matt's brother's" but you don't need the second apostrophe. A few other things further up, but I don't wanna go back and look. "And who's kids am I with?" should be "whose". Aww. . . kewt kewt.
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Haha, I WISH I had snow days. . . NO snow this year. I HATE GA WEATHER! GAh. You guys get rain when i want it. . . you get SNOW. . . I wanna switch! Anyway. . . heh, snow days. . . hahaha, "Sam's not very important; i kind of forgot about her." HOW WONDERFUL. You're so nice. I have a few characters like that, though. Hehe, yeah, I noticed that the whole Allison/Ricky thing has started. Hehe, i'm STALKING YOU! Mwahahaha! Yeah. . . I don't think I could write a full-out sex scene either. I've read them in other stories and I know you have, just from your favorites list (blondie2) but I don't think I could do it. I'd be embarassed, especially cuz a few of my friends read my stuff on this site (like two. . . they're not acutally members on dis site) and one of them's a guy. . . heh, WOULDN'T work. Lol. Yeah, I could probably do a semi sex scene. . . kind of steamy-ish. . . buh nothing R-rated. Yeah, I think my story might heat up a bit, but I'm keeping it PG13. . . might stray off to PG15 in a chapter. . . dunno. . . haven't gotten there yet. ANYWAY. . . enough about sex. . . ooh, you're going to NYC! Awesome! Take me with you! Lol. haha, I could never do a 14pg ch. . . too long for me. Ha, see, that's why. . . your font is a lot bigger than mine. . . if I increased my font to Verdana and 12pt, it'd probably be about 6pgs. Hmm, not bad. Yeah, I like the maroon 5 cd, but I wouldn't wanna buy it. I haven't seen the video for "This Love" so I wouldn't know about its semi-pornography. haha, we've been tlaking about sex and porn. Very interesting. Haha, okie, we can go on SWITCHED! yeah, you SEEM like an abcfam person. . . Brendan Leonard. . . Switched. . . I'm sure I'll come up with something else. And you're welcome for the review. Good chapter. And I noticed andz didn't review this ch. Bad person. Lol jk. I know she's already read this.
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~julia
Midnight Owl chapter 12 . 2/3/2004
you updated! it seems to me that your updates have been getting closer... yay! oh my lord nyc is the best city in the universe! i *love* everything about it (well, almost). i'm not really into the whole *new punk* scene cuz i have really strong feelings about what punk is and what it isn't. like... for example: i don't think that GC & Simple Plan are punk... I don't think that Yellowcard (though i love them) is punk and i don't think that AFI (though i love them too) is punk. punk (to me) is The Clash and the Sex Pistols and the Ramones. but that's just me. and i'm a music snob... lol. but i do like some *neo-punk* bands... i'm sorry if i offended you (I HOPE not... that was never the intention sometimes i just rant and rant and rant and... oops. doing it again!) i'll have to check out the maroon5 cd, cuz i was thinking about what i wanted to get. you know what new song i really like? Last Train Home by the Lost Prophets. check it out if you haven't heard it. anyways, this was a super chapter cuz i love everything about this story and your characters. you write really well and it shows through in your super story. i can't wait to see what's going to happen next... and especially what happens at the Cosmo interview. LoL. and i knew there was something going on w/ rick and allison. aww. more cuteness. anyways, great chapter and update again soon plz!
Kayli chapter 12 . 2/3/2004
I love Matt and I'll be sad when he screws up... cuz I know he will. Can't wait for the next chapter, or for your new one. :)
Flawless Storm chapter 12 . 2/3/2004
First of all, you updated! I'm thrilled. It was a very good chapter. Now I am going to babble about the chapter. *sigh* Colin Farrell. How can anyone NOT love him? the concept of not loving him is beyond me. The flu thing... very cute. Hell, Matt's cute in general. Allison and Ricky will make an interesting couple... cannot wait for their courtship of sorts. Cosmo... it's not soo bad. I find it educating. lol. i don't know about in the US, but i find, where i live at least, that being 18 and a virgin isn't uncommon. Maybe it's just me. There IS a sculpture like the one Eve made. I think it was called The Kiss by Bracusi or something like that. So I guess I did retain some knowledge from art history. I love this story, but i already told you that. Colin *sigh*. Flawless Storm.
my works 87 chapter 12 . 2/3/2004
OHMIGOSH! This chapter was the bomb. Seriously. It was so cute and long and wonderful and now I have good feelings running through my veins. Aw, thanks. You know how the second semester of school starts, like a back outta hell. So back to work and frustration and late nights. Man, I thought for some idiotic reason I was past those, but alas, I am not. So yeah, that's my life. And thanks for writing this story, cause it lightens up an otherwise dull day!
NiteMareB4xmas chapter 11 . 1/29/2004
Hiyo! Oh man..this story just gets better and better. OH! I love how they were in highschool! Freaks are really just so great. They really don't give shit about what other people think. I happen to be one of those people, just without the dyed hair and crap. Clothes though, of course. But..yeah. Also, the fact that Matt was in a band is just so KICK ASS! Band guys are so hot. I've really only dated band guys. Weird thing is..they were all bassists. And now I'm learning the bass. YEAH! Which brings up my next point: MATT PLAYED THE BASS AND THAT JUST MAKES HIM EXTRA COOL! Bassists ROCK MY JACK SKELINGTON SOCKS!
Let's see, as for the touring part of this chapter, I think it's pretty neat. It's romantic in a way. Child-like romance: always cute. I like it. It's sweet. And I especially liked the part when Eve said, "You dirty, dirty boy." and then Matt counter-acted with, "Boy? I promise you, I'm no boy." That just made me freak out.
Oh man..the kiss at the end of the chapter just made me melt. It was so sweet and wonderful and with such feeling too. You have a big talent for writing. All your stories are great.
One thing I have to wonder though is,..what will happen next to the Veretta-Giovanni families? Dun dun dun!
signed,
Kasey
Phoebs chapter 11 . 1/28/2004
Good chapter. Aww..their first kiss. Sigh...too bad she doesn't know why exactly does he believe that she will be hurt. I wonder if she'll be able to fogive him when she finds out...
:)
snowtiger13731 chapter 11 . 1/28/2004
Okie. . . well today was a HORRIBLE day. . . so let's sit down and try to review this chapter. My reviews have been diminishing in size lately, because I haven't had the energy to write long reviews. Gah. So don't be surprised if this one's short too. I just want to go to sleep rite now.
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Hmm. High school memories. Up until now, Eve didn't come across as the freak/dye-my-hair-pink type of person. She seemed more like the mellow type. And Matt. . . DEF doesn't seem like the bad boy punkie type. DEFINITELY NOT. He seems more like the business man serious type.
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LOL. Sex is officially called "show me something". . . well there's something I've learned. Ali's QUITE the interesting one.
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OOh, new character! Sam! Haha. . . now I'm starting to wonder if you have a friend named Allison or Ali. . . but your name isn't Eve. . . oh well. The Sam part is there. HAHA. . . my fiance. . . WHAT?. . . I've been busy planning the wedding since it's next month. . . WHAT?. . . HAHA. I want SO imagine her shock. I'd be shocked myself. Haha. . . marrying her best friend's sister. . . yes, Sam definitely has to be shocked. OOh, do we get to see more of Sam? She sounds kewl. Haha, yeah, everyone does think that she's sleeping with Matt. I thought she was going to as well. N then. . . steamy love scene. . . . LMAO. . . JUST kidding. Somehow you don't seem the type. Well, to write something like that.
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OOh, xmas is mai fave time to live in the city as well, even though i've never been to. . . where do they live? NYC? Well, something like that. Hmm. . . scavenger hunt. . . I would've NEVER thought of dat. . . awesum idea! N kudos to fictional matt for thinking of it. OOh. . . Ima guess. . . Empire State Building? Must find out if I was right. OOh, I was right! Although. . . just a word of advice for future reference. . . between "Yeah. The Empire State Building" and "Uh. . . Eve. . . that's the other direction". . . it seems kind of a big transition. There's like a missing part there. . . I think you should put something like "I headed off towards the right" or something to that effect. . . because right now. . . we think that she's still standing there. . . or actually just walking around, you know? You didn't say that she went in one direction, which would make it kind of hard for it to be in the opposite direction. Hehe rules! Lolz. . . four hundred. . . i think they're gunna RUN OUT! AHH! Torture chamber! Um. . . yeah. . . leaving now. . .
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LOL. . . Matt. . . SO dirty. Tsk tsk. Lolz. Hmm. I wonder who was on the phone. Kind of seemed important. haha. . . I prolly would've been like "Radio Shack!" as well. Hehe. Radio City Music Hall. . . uh rite.
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Uh oh. "I don't want to hurt you." See. . . this is the part where it starts getting BAD. AHH! Aww. . . I liked the ending. OOh, twelve pages! That's awesome! Couldn't EVER do that. . . the most I've ever gotten on a chapter is 8 pgs. . . but then again, I don't know what font you use. I use 8. . . so maybe that makes a diff. Hmm. I have most of the songs on the Maroon 5 CD. . . n they're good. . . but I wouldn't buy it. Just download the good ones. . . some of them sound a bit strange. . . but that's just my opinion. I've been hooked on "She Will Be Loved" from their CD, though. it's good.
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Hehe, your reply to Midnight Owl just seemed to catch my eye for some reason. . . haha, I like Carol King too. xD Some old music is actually good. . .yeah. Now I will move on. hehe, i wish I could leave really long reviews, but sometimes I'm lazy or just really tired so I don't leave really long reviews, and I always feel guilty because they're usually long. Haha. . . yeah, SS isn't the best thing in the world. . . it's okay though. eww. . . economics. . . don't want that class. No. . . I can't say i HATE matt. . . but I'm just wary of him. . . like the lying part and everything. yeah. Okie, I'll write that book. . . Getting to Know Your Fiance for Dummies. . . n then I'll autograph it for you. . . n I'll be rich and famous! . . . er. . . you'll prolly already be rich and famous if *I* become rich and famous. OOh, yeah. . . we should go on dat show Switched. . . n I could get PA weather! Lol. Jk. Yes. . . I believe someone DID say that you always wnat what you can't have and whatever you have you don't want. But maybe the person didn't say the latter part. I dunno. It's okie dat wuzn't longer. . . the reply i mean. Yeah. . . I'm tired now. . . k yeah. . . leaving. . . good ch. . . wanna go to sleep now. . . gahh. Buhbai.
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-julia-
Megan29 chapter 11 . 1/28/2004
wow once again you keep me wanting more. this story is about to rank as one of my favorties along with Change for the Better. You are an amazing writer. I can't wait to see what comes up next.
~Megan
P.S. the Maroon 5 cd is in my top 10 of all time. its definately worth buying
passion101 chapter 11 . 1/28/2004
aw! They make a really cute couple! I hope things turn out okay for them.
sapofbks2008 chapter 11 . 1/28/2004
I loved the chapter. I can't wait for more to come.
Midnight Owl chapter 11 . 1/28/2004
great chapter! you've got your reader totally into the date (cuz that's ultra-sweet) and wondering what the hell matt's actually talking about. and i love NYC so this was a fabulous chapter for me. best city in the world. and it's produced some of the best bands... but that's a whole other story. lol. and yeah i totally know what you mean about music. i first heard The Strokes (one of my absolute favorites) when i was at a borders in ny and i couldn't find a cd i wanted so my friend picked it out, having only heard one song. it was their first cd and better than the new one in my opinion. i don't recall hearing carole king before, though i might have... i'm more into Punk like the Ramones, Sid Vicious, the Sex Pistols, and the Clash and 80's metal like Guns'n'Roses and Van Halen. My friends laugh at me but it's good music. Um... i don't have the maroon5 cd and i've only heard "This Love" and "Harder to Breathe" so I can't tell you whether or not it's worth buying... but from what i've heard i like their stuff. anyways, i think i've dragged out this review long enough... *fabulous chapter*! update again soon please!
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