Reviews for Beyond Castle Walls
Frederick Waters chapter 7 . 6/9/2004
Before I do this review I just wanted to say that I did enjoy the story and that everything that I will say after this is just to help you try to improve your writing style. Please dont take any offence and consider it constructive criticism, because that is what I'm trying to do.
I know I say this in every review I write, but I think that you should practice expanding your descriptions a bit more. I think you did a pretty good job with it in chapters 1 and 3, but I would look again at the rest.
I had a question. Is this suppose to be modern, because I got the impression that it was suppose to be a few hundered years or so? If it is modern I would research the society & culture. If it is older than that you will want to re-write the dialoge so that it would fit with the time period, this would mean taking out modern cichy phrases & using older vocabulary & sentence structure.
Despite the criticism I have I did actually enjoy the story and I can see a lot of potential in it. It is still good, but if you were to go over it again it would be great! (I usually review a story about 15 times before anyone reads it so you may want to go over them some more, since I also noticed a few spelling mistakes.)
Keep up writing!
Sing With The Elevator Music chapter 7 . 6/5/2004
NO! you cant end it like that you cruel freakisly weird-FREAK no theyre supposed to live happily ever after you loser no! i dont like the ending! NO
sorry i couldnt read it right after i talked to you my pc crashed how i have no clue i just know that i couldnt get on it for a month and still cant get on it (im on a friends pc) really sorry! you cant end it like that thought cruel and unusual punishment is illegal you know that right? lol
kay chapter 7 . 4/18/2004
didnt really like the ending at all...i posted at ch. 4 because i thought it was the end. But you eneded it to fast.
kay chapter 4 . 4/18/2004
i knida like this so write some more
shinco chapter 7 . 4/18/2004
Wow, I LOVED that story, except that it ended too quickly... oh, well! Maybe you should just extend it a little... well! I LOVE this story! Very cool!
shinco chapter 6 . 4/18/2004
Sing With The Elevator Music chapter 5 . 3/20/2004
aww how sad! i dont know if its just me but i wouldnt have totally 'fallen in love' in a couple days. i wouldnt have kissed him in the lake either. but thats just me, other than that it was really good, i cant wait for more please update soon!
shinco chapter 5 . 11/8/2003
It's a great story, but it would be so much better if you didn't rush through it like you did. Make it more detailed and put more feeling in it of the characters. It would be so much better that way. Really great story though.
StarsignLeo chapter 4 . 10/6/2003
ooh, update sooN!Even though I don't get why he's so pissed, I mean she only told a little, okay a somewhat big lie.

StarsignLeo chapter 3 . 10/5/2003
what! you have to write more soon!

shinco chapter 2 . 10/3/2003
That was a great story, except for it needs a lot more detail and a lot more feelings and thoughts of all the characters. If you put that stuff in, it would be a lot better and I know you can do it! Any writer can! They just have to be willing. I'm not trying to bring ya down. In fact, I'm putting this on my favorite stories list, favorite authors list, and my author alert list! I'm looking forward to reading this story as it develops and I hope you make the first two chapters even more interesting and fun to read!_ I know that it's gonna be a HUGE hit so you keep working on it, ok? I'll review again soon!
Trumodin chapter 1 . 10/3/2003
i no its going quite quickly but first of al its going to be kinda short, secondly, it was just a kiss.
A Different Kind of Yellow chapter 2 . 10/3/2003
Don't mean yto critisise, I do like it and all, but that was all a little bit to fast if u know what i mean!