|Reviews for The Secret Station|
| Kate chapter 2 . 3/7/2004
This is really good( all of the chapters), with a good premise, just a couple notes...
First, while it seems necessary, try not to tell and instead show (i.e. avloid sentences like "Things were getting ugly"). I dunno, try to be more subtle and incorperate the details into the story. This is something I struggle with all the time.
My second suggestion is work on the dialouge. Something just feels a little akward about it.
But really good job! It has a lot of potential!
| Aureya of Chocolate chapter 6 . 3/4/2004
yay! much even more funness!
(it was really really good)
i remember you had a teensy little grammatical error in there somewhere but i forgot what it was... lemme look again.
(Excuse me for sounding girlish, but when you've been wandering around for YEARS in utter filth and desolation, new clothes is but a dream.)
im not entirely positively sure, and all that, cos i'm kinda dumb, but i think it's meant to be "new clothes are but a dream". and yeh.
im really loving this story. normally things that move that fast are bit... weirded up... but you've done it really well! and i love the characters, they're so cool! )
| ChristianGeekGuy chapter 6 . 3/3/2004
The cast of strange and unusual characters continues to grow!
The writing is solid in this part. I remember seeing one picky grammar thing, but forget what it was...
Anyway, one thing I'd really like to see added is a clearer description of Hess. You give the clues that she's big, has a cat's head, has hooves, and is an afreet. Does she have a cat's body to go with the head, or a horse's? A tail? Oh, and is afreet the female version of an efreet (mid-eastern mythological genie-type guy)?
Anyway, keep it up. The only thing better than a new chapter is a bunch of new chapters ;-)
| Senashenta chapter 2 . 2/28/2004
*doesn't have time to read it all today* lol.
For the first part, I was going to say it was a bit... abrupt. But the second part was a lot more in-depth. _ I really liked the text from the plaques... and you have very intriguing characters and ideas. *likes it in general* Think I'll add this to my favorites so I don't loose track of it...
I'll read the rest later! _~
| A Chroi chapter 6 . 2/28/2004
You have such a talent for creating unusual characters-I love them all! Hess is so much fun to pictures, as is Tonic and Uncle Ears. I love this! Write more soon!
| Orion Phoenix chapter 2 . 2/20/2004
Poor Rags, he's got a lot going for him. Glad that Lila's there to help though. All in all this was a good chapter too. Keep it up.
| ChristianGeekGuy chapter 5 . 2/19/2004
Still doing good. This has a sort of modern fairy-tale feel, like the movie Spirited Away or Alice in Wonderland (the book, not the silly movie).
Anyway, read 4 and 5 over for minor issues (I think there was a missing period somewhere). Other than a little polishing, it's quite good. I look forward to more.
| Orion Phoenix chapter 1 . 2/19/2004
Ah, not bad, not bad. Naw, it's pretty good actually. And I would read more, but I have to eat because I'm starving. So, I will get back to the other chapters as soon as possible. Just to add, I like trains.
| A Chroi chapter 5 . 2/19/2004
Yay! This is an excellent chapter. Ah, hormones...*smiles to self* I like Rags. He's quirkily cool. Write more, write more! And soon!
| A Chroi chapter 4 . 2/16/2004
This is NOT a crappy chappy. A little choppy, maybe, but not crappy. I like it. Jormungand is such a nifty-cool word, and I can picture them so easily. I can't wait for a new update. Please write more soon! And thank you for reviewing! *bows*
| Aureya of Chocolate chapter 3 . 2/15/2004
you know what
i'm getting REALLY into this story now.
i like your writing style, you dont need to change it! of course everyone always has room for improvement but you dont have as much as everyone else.
sorry i havent reviewed in so so long, i havent been on ficpress in ages.
but this story really really rocks. Rags sounds really cute.
| A Chroi chapter 3 . 2/14/2004
This is good! I like it. It's different, but it's well done and entertaining. Are the 'hot-dog brushes' you referred to called 'rollers'? The foam cylinder ones that you put on the stick that can get up really high on the walls and ceiling? Or am I just babbling again? Probably the latter. Well, anyways, this is very good, and I hope you update soon!
| pixy-dizzy chapter 3 . 2/11/2004
You gave me a wonderful review, so I'm returning the favor. Although i'm not that good at reviews...
Very mysterious...although that would account for one of the genres to be mysery! And the ghost train...I've always liked the concept of things and legends that can't be completely explained, but that we can try to explain (or ridicule, in my case) as best as we can.
The story plot is very interesting and intriguing, and I want to find out what happens next!
| ChristianGeekGuy chapter 3 . 1/6/2004
The changes have done a good job of cleaning up the story.
Having multiple characters speaking in first person might be a little tricky, but I think you'll be just fine as long as you remember to make it clear to the reader who is talking at the start of each chapter/section.
I think you could probably replace the second ~*~*~*~ in ch. 3 with a sentence describing the walk into the building. I know how easy it is to put in a lot of breaks, but I find it helps my stories flow better if I force myself to keep them to a minimum.
One last thing. I had to look up xeriscaping on . I don't know if it's common vocabulary in the drier southwestern states, but I asked some people around here, and no one in Minnesota seemed to know what it was. Maybe check with some people in different areas and see if this will be confusing. I might just hang around with dumb people :-).
Oh, and of course, keep writing.
| Rubus odoratus chapter 2 . 1/4/2004
It's really good! Please update soon!