Your story, I'm sure, has good intentions. I won't bother telling you how I feel about editting, because fot the most part, the story doesn't change because of it. However, I do think that you have too much dialogue. A story, you see, is to be read, so that it can be imagined, and what you have written is more of script, and a play is to be heard. To imagine, as a reader, I need to feel for the characters, not just hear them speak. How do they say what they say? What do they do when they say it? And importantly, who is talking (aside from a name). A character is something so important that without knowing who he or she is, it's impossible to place whether or not what they'd say is just. You should read some of my writing...the Legend of Raenyn Jyhl, or the Light of Darkness (a novel soon to be published). I admire that you write. Your dialogue is building material. As a tip (which is what I do), imagine what would happen, and then use words to describe the event taking place in your head. It works. Your story is somewhere in it all...but keep writing. Words are beautiful.

Sugarcoat it. Check the spelling, grammar, and sentence structure - and you're golden. Way to go. _

I luv it i only read the part about thi chickens but chickens are my favorite animals! incedently they are my favorite food. write more storys about chickens.

Oh, good start! This has potential for a number of directions! yay! i told u that u had nothing to worry about!

Not bad at all for your first fic! _

Now u gotta keep it up! I expect an update!

Good luck with it!

David

_

Not bad, really, but very rough. I liked it, but you just need to go over it once and polish it up a little. You know, grammar, spelling, etc., all that crap. But I liked it, anything about Samurai's will get me interested. A little polishing and this could be really great.

Okay, you have to proofread your work before posting it. 1) Watch spelling, 2)

Watch your tenes, and 3) Watch your grammar and punctuation. Example:

Out in a grassy plain a group [of] chicken[s] loudly cluck[ed] as the (sun rises that echos around the mountainus town of Earomme)-[this is confusing because the sun doesn't echo. Also change rises to rose] as the 'hero' of (are) [should be 'our'] story is still snoring away. - Overall this is a run on sentence.

Next:

"GET UP YOU LAZY BOY!"a middle-aged woman yelled into the boy's stood there with chestnut hair and a long blue dress.

Perhaps -

"GET UP YOU LAZY BOY!" A middle-aged woman with chestnut colored hair and a long blue dress yelled into the boy's ear.

and...

"Five more minutes Elana"the young boy said sleeply still [in] laying his bed covered up.

Try -

Lying in his bed the young boy answered in a sleepy voice,

"Five more minutes Elana,"

Overall you have a good plot, but please proofread before posting. Looking forward to your next chapter.