|Reviews for Nighthammer|
| Alisoun chapter 1 . 2/3/2015
Hi Ahrar Nighthammer. You may not come on Fictionpress anymore, but this is incredibly important. An author by the name of June Ashley is publishing your book, word for word. She has also stolen my work, and from many other fictionpress authors.
Her "publication" can be found here:
I urge you to contact the amazon legal department:
| SusanPlatypus chapter 1 . 9/28/2012
Hello I'm sorry to put this publicly but I cant pm you and I need to let you know that a friend of mine has had her book stolen and published on amazon by someone named June Ashley and upon looking through the rest of her so called work I discovered your story as well here is a link Nighthammer-ebook/dp/B0083QAP8K/refsr_1_13?sdigital-text&ieUTF8&qid1348855463&sr1-13 just thought you should know
| Eckrice chapter 5 . 6/27/2010
I don't like the phrase "Let's see." Especially for Ahrar, it seems a little naive.
Also you misspelled "waepon."
I Do like the phrase "Saclarian waters."
| Eckrice chapter 3 . 10/16/2009
Very strong first image, but I would say "small/simple magnificence" rather than "entire magnificence" as it's just light coming through the trees.
The bit with the crows is also awesome, and a good touch, but the line "I just needed something to get angry at" seems a little forced. The indirect characterization you use when he steps on the crow's head is a lot better.
"He had decided that he hated crows." Again, a good touch.
Finally, the part where he talks about his robes is a little disjointed as well. You probably wrote it that way on purpose, but I'm not a fan of the 'Wait, no, that's wrong.'
I'm not sure if I've ever read past this point, but I'm determined to read the whole thing.
| Eckrice chapter 2 . 10/16/2009
Yeah, change "president" of the scholars to something more fitting.
Also, as much as I like the conversation between Marisk and Jonec, it seems likely that it would have taken place before he told Mekharios.
| OzDMK again chapter 11 . 1/31/2008
“Yes, yes, I know some of your black language. Your Dhulzu: that means your squad commander, yes?"
I don't know why, man, but that bit of dialogue sounds very unnatural compared to the level you normally write. I wish I could be more helpful but that just kinda bugged me and I couldn't figure out why. But again, nitpicky asshole that I am, thought I'd bring it to your attention.
I liked this bit right here:Hammer crashing through the fire. Sparks, embers, flaming logs. Screaming, sizzling flesh, death.
However, I think it might be a bit more powerful if you split up a bit differently. Maybe something like:
Hammer crashing through the fire. Sparks, embers, flaming logs. Screaming. Sizzling flesh.
Give that "death" a bit of a punch, you know?
And oh man, sorry, I kept meaning to review every other paragraph like I normally do but once you got to the part of Ahrar's "surgery" I was just glued to the screen. Seriously, I winced myself a few times reading that. Even now I'm kind of rubbing my finger everyonce in awhile imagining being able to do that to one's self. Jesum Crow, dude. Impressive.
| DrunkenmonkeykingOz chapter 2 . 1/31/2008
Told you I'd review again and I have! Ok, so this is my typical way of reviewing things if you remember, which is I drop notes as I'm going through it.
And of course starting off, I got one right off the bat. "President" of a monastery? Sounds awkward and not very fantasy-ish. I'd suggest some other term.
Now you also know me and what a nit-picky asshole I can be. Your description starts off really well, I mean you do start off a sentence with a preposition in there (bad move according to every grammar book I've ever read) but it starts to trail off towards the end. Remember amigo, show, don't tell. Instead of going on about how people felt intimidated by him, show through Jonec's reaction how the Mek could possibly be intimidating but to those who know his gentle nature he's not. I know, I know, easier said than done, but again, just nitpicking like a bastard over here.
And I was wondering why it felt like I had already read this chapter (thought I was on a new one _
| DrunkenMonkeyKing chapter 10 . 1/17/2008
Haha, you did it again, man! There are always these times where you have to describe something like the raven getting smoked or an amputation and you know just what details to include and which to not.
Yeah, I know I said I'd go all super awesome review on your ass and read more but I'm tired and crazy busy. I WILL KEEP UP ON THIS THOUGH.
| Robynbird chapter 14 . 1/16/2008
*waves arms excitedly* Plot twist! Plot plot plot twist!
Go Kneefers! Yay! Ahem, there are a few typos in the 13th chapter, but it's really really good.
I so proud!
| Robynbird chapter 12 . 12/31/2007
Oh...this is getting downright devious!
...Can't say I'm not loving it though.
Fantastical job, much love.
| Robynbird chapter 10 . 10/9/2007
*rubs hands together* Yay! *ahem*
Great story line, first off, gotta love that plot line.
Very descriptive, I like. Good dialog too.
All around great job!
| Robynbird chapter 9 . 10/2/2007
*waves hands excitedly*
Woot! I'm liking de writing styles, yo'.
Great job on the pirate accents too.
Keep 'em comin!
| Robynbird chapter 8 . 10/6/2005
Why did Fibrillan have to die? I liked him...
Otherwise, good chapter.
| DrunkenMonkeyKing chapter 8 . 5/15/2005
Hey Ahrar, sorry it's taken me so long to get around to this, but I've finally gotten off my ass and read it. Now on to the review, shall we?
Ok, first things first, the good stuff. The subtle way you fill in information about different weapons and strategies during the fight scene was done quite well. Even the description of the herb-cutting knife made me feel like I was right there, could see it with my own eyes. Very nice job with that.
Now for the good with a little bit of the bad. I did like Fibrillian, he seemed like an interesting character. However, his death happened too quickly after introducing him for it to have any serious effect on the reader. So although the reader gets to think that he'll become one of their favorite characters, you take him out of the story before Fibrillian can firmly entrench himself into their hearts.
Now for the bad parts, which to be honest, isn't that many. Really, the only thing I could notice about this, was that in certain parts you wanted their to be a lot of emphasis or surprise, but it just seemed to meld into the overall background of the story. It didn't pop out enough. Like with Fib's death and Mek's sudden skill with the swordbreaker, I felt like you were trying to make the reader stop and go "WOAH!" but it just fell a little bit short.
Anyways, to summarize everything in one quick sentence: great realistic descriptions and tactics, Fibrillian's a great character but dies a little bit too soon, and work on focusing on the two surprises in this chapter, to bring into a little more focus.
Keep up the good work, always love to see your writing, even if it takes me awhile to get around to it. *nervous sweatdrop*
| RustPoisonedBlade chapter 8 . 4/22/2005
Never fails, one of my favorite characters always dies. *sigh*
Awesome chapter, I like being able to see the action in my mind. You do a very good job at describing the !
*lies in wait for the next chapter, with a couple pigeons for company*