Hey, I agree that it seems a bit unfinished. I have a few ideas... I think. Maybe, you could add a caesura somewhere before the end, so that the ending doesn't happen suddenly (like driving a jeep off the Grand Canyon). I don't think you should necessarily make the poem longer (I think that poems should use words effectively, and don't need to get a single point across in 7 zillion lines [b/c then the wording would be as affective as the shorter... did that make ANY sense?])

Hm. Oh, one small criticism. PERSONALLY, I would delete the line about the chainsaw and the tree. It seems jarring after you've read everything else. All your examples in previous lines have something to do with nature-shadows, moonlight, fire, (atlas? hm), hunters, etc. The chainsaw just seemed a bit... lifeless to me. I don't know. Sorry, if my tiny criticisms are annoying, but I offer advice to pieces and authors I like, so really, it's a compliment _.

um hm. Anything else... er. *scratches head* I guess the rest is up to you, you're the artist, after all :-)

~*~

the Solid Gold Buddhist Raccoon

Oh wow... You really got me on this one. I feel the angst rising already! Well written and well crafted, great.

this was wonderful
all some people can do is imagine so imagine if life wasn't all love and dreams.

The structuring of this is great! I really like this one.

Imagine if boys never existed!

Oh no!.

Great poem.

(from not erin ) )

Heheheheh

Well, if all this happened, it would be pretty funny, right? Oh... your heart has a key? For what? Can't be love.

Keep writing,

~Mahogga~