Reviews for Intelligetn Life Does Not Exist
The Big Goat chapter 1 . 1/31/2004
bravo! I liked it a lot and laughed through the whole time. Have you ever heard of Dave Barry. Im sure you'd like his work. He writes in newspapers across the US.
g21lto chapter 1 . 1/27/2004
I like this piece very much! And by the way, I read in your bio that you do not consider yourself a writer. Well, you should, because you write extremely well. Anyways, this essay was funny. I myself also believe that there is no intelligent life in the universe, but for slightly different reasons, most of them having to do with how many people out there are actually *intelligent*. Anyway, I hope to read more of your essays soon!
James Jago chapter 1 . 1/26/2004
I'm chosing to assume that the odd spelling and gramatical error is a deliberate, ironic reference to the title.
Statisically, it is estimated that there is an advanced civilisation every two hundred lightyears or so. I don't suppose for a moment that they are actually going around vandalising wheatfields or kidnapping people and gang-probing them, although I suppose they have teenagers and/or rapists too.
Abcraft chapter 1 . 1/24/2004
In an infinite or infinitely expanding universe ALL THINGS are possible. :) this refutes every single one of your arguments.
Go directly to jail, do not pass Go, do not collect 100 dollars.
Retlor chapter 1 . 10/20/2003
'There is a theory which states that if ever anyone finds out exactly what the universe is for, it will immediately disappear and be replaced with something alot more complicated and in-explicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened'

'In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move'

Very good essay. Well written, very funny and in that reminiscent of Douglas Adams. Read his books if you haven't already. 'The Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy' is one of the funniest books i've ever come across.
eupseudes chapter 1 . 10/19/2003
One famous philosipher said "It doesn't matter, because time, space and matter are all an illusion!"

When a science heard this, he cried, "I refute thus!" and stubbed his toe on a rather large stone.

Yes, I agree that assuming that all forms of life are either really primitive, or are out there trying to kill us is completely preposterous. Remember, the time of the human's race's existance is only a few thousand years, which like the blink of an eye to the universe. Evolution, however, begs to differ. If the conditions that allowed life to develop on earth aren't so uncommon, then it's quite possible that there are other forms of life in the universe. It all depends on how long these forms of life can survive. It's like a christmas tree. Each light represents an active species. If the lights are on for a very short time, then go of for a while, the number of lights that are on at the same time are very small, and a very unlikely chance of us meeting each other. However, if the human race SOMEHOW manages to survive a million years (which I highly doubt), then it's likely that other races can survive a million years, and our metaphorical tree of light has more lights on, and a greater chance of races meeting each other. This is, of course, assuming that the conditions that are needed to create life are relatively common.

Then, we have people who believe that our life required insanely perfect conditions in order to have begun to live. This, perhaps, is the intervention of god. God says that life is only on our earth, and thus life is only on our earth.

You can't say that just because our number is infinitisimally small, as it is if the universe is infinitely large, that we don't exist. We do exist!

It all comes down to this. Any attempt to explain why we exist will be shot down before it launches, because we are insignificant, or the most important things in the world. We human's cannot even begin to comprehend the extent of the universe, the thousands of dimensions, and thus we are insignificant. You can't think like this all the time, but that's what it boils down to.
Tiefling chapter 1 . 10/18/2003
Interesting. It could use some proofreading.

'I guarantee you the world will explode at least once, if not two or three times due to time bubbles, in each ov the books/movies you find'. Er, no. Sounds like you haven't read much *good* sci fi. Examples of sci fi stories in which the world does not explode even once include 'Bladerunner' (based on the novel 'Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep' By Philip K. Dick), the Evergence series by Sean Williams and Shane Dix,'Mona Lisa Overdrive', by William Gibson (in fact, pretty much anything by William Gibson), Fahrenheit 451, 'Chocky' by John Wyndham and many, many others. You kinda misrepresent the genre there. Not all Sci Fi features aliens, and of those stories that do, not all the aliens are 'out to kill us'.

You are overgeneralising when you talk about other people's beliefs about the universe. The whole human race doesn't fit neatly into your three categories. For example, I believe that there may well be intelligent life in space, but it wouldn't necessarily 'have the power to destroy our complete race and have done so on countless occasions'. I'm sure there are many variations of belief on the subject. Also, to believe that we are alone in the Universe does not mean that you necessarily think that it was 'made solely (you mispelled it) for us'. It may not have a pupose. To believe we are alone is not a selfish belief. You might simply think that the formation of life is so highly improbable that is unlikely to have happened more than once.
Loganberry chapter 1 . 10/18/2003
"Douglas Adams was here." More or less everything you say is in various bits of the "Hitchhiker's Guide" series. Though you forget to add that there is in fact an awful lot of sex, due to the complete absence of people, imports, currency and so on. ;)
Gypsy with a Tambourine chapter 1 . 10/18/2003
These things bug me:

"Intelligetn Life Does Not Exist"

-I can't tell if you meant to misspell intelligent (to be sarcastic: "I'm not intelligent, because intelligent things don't exist.") or if it's just a typo. ;

"For the sake of this piece, the first and second half are obsolete. They do not matter. The second half is what we are concentrating on."

-Don't you mean the first & third half?

"There is another half, although there really are only two halves in a whole. But, since the human race can only exist if nothing whatsoever makes sense, there is a third half."

-Such logic, lol. It would make more sense to call them thirds. The reasoning for calling them halves... isn't much of a reason.

You say that intelligent life doesn't exist because "sheer bigness" outweighs the number of humans... I see it's in the "humor" genre, but it's kinda hard to tell if you're kidding.

"Anyways, any mathematician, scientist, or even any student that knows about decimals would round that up to just plain zero. Therefore, there is no intelligent life in this universe."

-Not true, because every mathematician, scientist, student and conscious, living person knows they exist. They also know that by rounding to zero, they're saying that they don't exist, which is false.

You've gotta know that the numbers you get by rounding aren't real answers. They're estimates. You round things that don't have to be accurate.

The part with the second-half doesn't make sense to me, either. Why divide the human population by the number of planets in every solar system in the universe? I guess it's another way of showing how bigness relates to intelligent life, but - the way I interpret it is, if you try to put an equal number of humans on each planet that's in a solar system, you won't have enough, and you'll wind up with fractions.

But what does it matter? All that's proving is that there are lots of planets.

...So I'll say it again: it's kinda hard to tell if you're kidding. If you are, sorry for being so critical, but whenever you give a reason, it should at least make sense. \
C Shot chapter 1 . 10/18/2003
I found this essay quite amusing, although I agree that I am in the third half and I was deeply dissappointed that I didnt deservea paragraph. Although I agree why the fuck are we wasting money that could go to better places (such as the tax payers wallets) and such stupid thing as space exploration. However, I am quite sure I exist and my dog exists and my dumb founded friends exist... ack I am tired, good morning...

~C Shot~