Reviews for Rhododendron Woes |
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![]() ![]() ![]() This is the pure boys love that I need! Sebastian & Tobias were so cute together! And Liz! Fangirly best friend was the best! I love her supporting her bestfriends in love! Thank you so much for sharing! |
![]() ![]() Ah, jeez. A little warning when changing point of views would be nice. A divider, maybe. I had to go back and reread parts cause I wasn't sure whose eyeballs I was looking through. There's a paragraph where I'm STILL not sure whose view it was. |
![]() ![]() I think I'm content with the story as it is, this seems like a very well fitting ending and more angst could possibly mess with the peacefulness of this ending. Either way its your story to do with as you please. |
![]() ![]() Sebastian is such a hypocrite, demanding him to apologize for not telling him he likes guys, when he's done exactly the same! Besides hitting a sick person? That's too low. |
![]() ![]() ![]() I liked the story overall, but it had a few major problems in my opinion. First of all I lost count how often I was confused by the POV switch. In the beginning I was sure it was 1 ch - 1 POV, but then I realised I was wrong. Afterwards I tried really hard to notice when the switch would happen, but I still missed it quite often and had to backtrack when I realised from the dialogue or the names that I was (yet again) thinking about the wrong character. I don't know why you didn't chose some way of marking the shift from one character to the other (with a large break, "..." or () or whatever really). It's such a simple solution for a problem that can really annoy the reader. Second issue. [I got the impression that you were trying to write this as a more realistic story (and not just "no rules" yaoi fiction), but if that wasn't your intention then ignore the following.] Your guys are such... girls! Not all the time, but sometimes they have a way of talking about stuff that is even more pink/fluffy/romantic than reminds me of virgin 14 yo girls. Third. This story would have been way better if it ended soon after they got together (whenever that was... ch 16 or something I think, because I was surprised I was just half done with the story). The rest is so dragged on... It wouldn't have seen like that if they had a serious problem to face right after, but they just have a few silly incidents (which get blown way out of proportion - see issue 2). They also decide not to come out and yeah sure I don't mind that (good for them!), but it means you gave up on one of the best way to keep the interest of the reader going after they became a couple. Wainting for them to finally "consumate" their relationship was also a good alternative but: Issue four. Is that even a smut scene? I mean it's just "oh! love love, trancending body and spirit, love, love. the end. was I good enough?" and as hard as I tried to read between the lines I couldn't guess that they did more than (maybe...) blow each other. It actually sounds more like frotagge. Which again, I don't mind, but they should at least have had a discussion about them wanting/not wanting anal. Up till then I was under the impression that they were quite interested in anal and that they were reading on it. and btw, Seba kept mentioning a "plan"... which one was it? I don't remember reading anything like him puting it into action or explaining it or something. Did I miss it or did you just forget about it? Ok... I hope I don't upset you too much with my critisism. I like how you write and the story did keep my interest till the end. Not that many people here really explain what they DON'T like so that the authors learn something, so I'm just trying to help you improve. Kisses. |
![]() ![]() I just want to say how much I am enjoying your story so far. My only criticism is it took me a while to figure out who was who in terms of POV. Maybe you could label it at the beginning? In this chapter, it was hard to follow because I think there was change in POV a couple times, but it wasn't clearly marked. is that a mistake or did fictionpress mess up the breaks? Anyway, just those couple suggestions. Otherwise I love it! |
![]() ![]() so did they have sex in this chapter or did they just get off? it was kinda like interupted when it had started...and when seba says 'now that ive loved u' i had to ask cuz im confused a little bit! but luv the chapter all the more |
![]() ![]() i really loved the last chapter and as well as this one! kyaa theyre soo cute! anyways i was confused a bit though when u change p.o.v 2 times but it turned out well!~ |
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![]() ![]() ![]() I feel like I've read this before and probably reviewed, but either way I am reviewing again because, damnit, this story fuckign rocks, haha. I love it so much. ] |
![]() ![]() ![]() A ridiculously adorable story! Very well-written and well-conceived. There are a lot of stories around along the same lines, but yours was not quite the same. Good job. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Hell Hackthr NO fuhrrie...! Loves it, so emotional, and unpredictable. XD; |
![]() ![]() ![]() something tells me you don't like Kill Bill (as much as it rythmes) It gives me a nice look into the psyche of paris hilton. It's confusing that way, what part of her gets what the heck is going on? How is this the best movie ever? It's like a real life anime, with all the blood and confusion, how you're waiting to understand it, but don't and you've seemingly wasted hours of your life, but hey, at least you know what everyone else is talking about... sorry, i'm listening to mcr, and not really listening to what i'm typing. It's just sorta going so the pov of what could only be described as the previous paragraph is messed up. 2nd person. I'll give you my second born. Love the story Xxoxxo :D |
![]() ![]() ![]() All good things end with "star" but not dittos, dittos are bad. What's the wish? should I just go to the next chapter? na |
![]() ![]() ![]() It's nice how you have this romantic thing and then break straight out into the hardcore denial. Bastarad. See you in chapter 33... I can't help but finish it. |