|Reviews for Thoughtless|
| Mitsuko61 chapter 2 . 12/5/2004
THIS IS SO GOOD! You are very good at looking into the furture! O_O
| Robert W Wells chapter 2 . 8/29/2004
Intreging but the chrnlogy of the story is uneccesary it drags away from the quality of the story. also you need a higher charcter focus in your stories. like my shadows of darkness. it has a nice sci-fi plot but it focus more on the plight of the indivdual. also you charcter need to be develop in full and quickly.
| XxDragon Princess NikkixX chapter 2 . 2/8/2004
This story has a lot of potential! I really like the idea. May i give you a few pointers on improving this?
1. Make sure you double check your spelling and grammar. There were quite a few mistakes in this last chapter. Spell check will solve the spelling problems. For grammar, read it out loud. If it doesn't make sense, try to figure out what the problem is.
2. Change your formatting. This last chapter was one huge paragraph that gave me a headache. Double space between new thoughts, ideas, concepts, descriptions, etc.
3. It was nice to read about Seth, but i'd like to hear more about him and who he is. Describe his emotions, how he feels, how he came to be where he is, etc.
Anyway, like i said. This sounds like a GREAT story. Keep working on it and i know it will be highly successful!
| Nick Botm chapter 1 . 10/30/2003
I didn't mind that it was a little derivative, but I would have liked the story told in some way besides exposition. Ever try using dialogue or -gasp- action to further the story?
| mnemonexus chapter 1 . 10/24/2003
A bit straightforward really...
Could use some sort of revolution through the timeline-thing... some real uprising, not attempted, but yes defeated.