Reviews for Unfinished Business |
---|
![]() ![]() ![]() as much as i love Through Me- I think I like this better! Please do write more for both! am waiting expectantly! |
![]() ![]() ![]() You left it on a cliffhanger! Great story, I love the characters |
![]() ![]() ![]() Can't wait for the next chapter of this... damned writers' block *kicks it under Maeven's bed* glares* you stay there! Lol, then again, you're writing more on Through Me now... poor old Unfinished Business (lol, no pun intended there). I really hope to see future developments between Cian and Kaetlyn and the expanding of the rest of the plot. Cheers, and can't wait for the next chapter *fidgets eyesofahuntress |
![]() ![]() ![]() i luv this story, itz hilarious, so keep updating! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Very interesting idea! The originality is like a breath of fresh air. Great job so far; good luck in the SKoW Awards! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Love the story so far. UPDATE SOON! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Must. Update. Story. AMAZING! You are doing a fantastic job! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Oh wow! This is extremely creative. I keep laughing and cooing whilst reading. I really can't wait until the next chapter! gulistanlik |
![]() ![]() ![]() Congratulations, Maeven! Your story, Unfinished Business, has been nominated for Most Humorous (Incomplete) section in our awards site, Some Kind of Wonderful Romance Awards. Keep up the fantastic work! ] - Katie SKoW Judge |
![]() ![]() ![]() This is VERY entertaining. I love the view on ghosts and the whole CD-burning thing! Very creative. Can't wait to see how you build it up. |
![]() ![]() ![]() this is such a cute story :) |
![]() ![]() ![]() Cian sure is "brilliant" isn't he? *snickers* He must have troubles keeping his position as a ghostbuster, giving information away to her. If something went wrong (which it did), she now knows her potentential and is potentially deadly to him. |
![]() ![]() ![]() LOL! Um, I'd be swearing at him and telling him where to go rather than spelling my name out for him nicely. Question: Weren't there other people in the room? How did they react to the ghostbuster "talking" to himself? |
![]() ![]() ![]() Okay, so my initial reaction was Oh, wow! Nicely done! That was a great opening. I loved that. Can I make a suggestion, though? You're going WAY too fast. Slow the plot down. I'd unfurl what you've got as one chapter into three chapters so you can get a better grasp of the main character. The flashbacks are great, but I'd make them longer and make them feel like real-time rather than a quick recount. Because you're so good at descibing the scene and the imagery, I think the slowing it down a little would be the best way to draw your readers in so fully that they'd be hanging out to every word, wanting to know what would happen next. I want to know more about Kaetlyn's subtly, through what she does, her expressions and her dialogue rather than so much thinking on her part. *grins* In fact, after you jump away from the scene of the girl falling, you could probably drop in to her waking up, maybe pulling some popcorn out of hair and blinking blearily at the clock and then she could curse resoundingly. It's just a suggestion, but I thought I'd mention it. Oh, and I want to hear when Kae's running through the crowd-I want to see her confusion and surprise at the mass numbers of people hanging around in a semi-circle, all seeming to be commenting on the same situation. Her finding a way into her dorm room via a door that cut through the one opening in the unblockaded area of the semi-circle. Instead of recounting this later in a few words, I'd like to feel her surprise, and her pain as some hurtling object smashes into her. Her confusion as she tries to figure it out. The muffled sound of someone calling for help, screaming about a second girl or something along those lines. There should already be paramedics there, called to the scene because of the other girl, or some other personnel of that nature. They could press through the crowd and come to them and pronounce her dead. You could mention something about the other girl flailing and screaming, "Oh, god! Oh, god! I've killed someone! Killed!" Or something along those lines. Yeah, so really, what I'm getting at is that a real-time delivery of the story would work so much better with your writing style. But beautiful, beautiful imagery. I'm absolutely amazed. You should be proud. |
![]() ![]() I just wanted to say: YAY! I'm an so, so glad that you've finally updated this story because I've been looking forward to how it will turn out! I'll have to go back and reread it all again, and I haven't read the new chapters yet, because I just really wanted to tell you how much I've missed reading your work and how much I've been looking forward to your updates! Okay, I'll go read the new chapters now. Same with Through Me, glad that your writing is coming to you. I've enjoyed everything you've written since I first discovered False Facades and fell in love with the storyline and the characters. Keep it up, but don't over work yourself! |