Reviews for The One
Manuel Fajar chapter 1 . 12/22/2004
There's a saying that a child raised by a grandparent is a star's gift. Grandparents can love in a way that parent's can't comprehend until they get to that part of their lives. Nicely expressed poem of thanks. m
godawful teen-angst poetry chapter 1 . 1/8/2004
So sweet...
~lyv
SweetGrape chapter 1 . 11/4/2003
Wow- beautiful sentiments for your grand mother. I'm sure you've shown it to her?

The first line acknowledges some of the pain your biological mother went through for you and the piece continues to tell about the things she did for you, but then it indirectly tells of what she didn't do it for you and why you prefer your grandmother as a mother figure; so that was a nice technique.

However, in a poetic sense, this piece could be polished, eg- making it flow better.

This poem seems to be rhythmless, so ok, but the 3rd and 2nd last lines seem too long to fit.

Some lines could be chopped

eg- 'You are the one who is there to celebrate my successes,

Cry my tears,

And cherish my dreams' - but that's a personal style thing, so don't feel pressured into doing a format like that.

'Feels pain when I feel pain' feels a little clumsy, 'feels pain with me' or 'feels pain as I do' seems better to me, but you know best how you want to convey her incredible support and empathy for you.

'nourishes my soul with love and beauty'- this line is absolutely stunning; I love the idea of nourishing the soul- helping it grow and be healthy and whole- it's a beautiful line.

'No matter what anyone may think or say'- interesting sidenote on how people can't understand why you ahve such a great relationship with her and not with someone else, but other people don't know her like you do and understand all she's done for you. Their loss.

The last line is simple, matter-of-fact and very sweet; your grandmother is lucky to have you as you are lucky to have her.
glitterjewele chapter 1 . 11/3/2003
oh, this is very good. usually starting a whole bunch of lines with the same word/phrase takes away from it, but not so in this case. the repetition adds a lot to the rhythm of the piece. i can really detect the simple honest love that it must have been writen with, which definitely adds a lot to the overall effect. LOVED the part about not being the one to teach you about brushing your teeth and combing your hair, it put things in perspective in the most amazing way. i think my absolute very favorite line would have to be "you are my dearest friend, my soul's companion for infinite lifetimes."

if you haven't showed this to her yet, i would put it on a birthday or christmas card when next you get the chance ~ what a beautiful and touching gift it would make! :) great job.
not sure yet chapter 1 . 10/30/2003
aw, very sweet, muchly like this one, very well written and i especially love some of the things mentioned in the beginning, nicely done
Nana chapter 1 . 10/28/2003
My cup runneth over! Even though I have your framed original here in my office and read it at least once a week, seeing the words in this new format was so very thrilling and emotional for me. I'm one lucky grandmother.
Sweetest-Smile chapter 1 . 10/26/2003
Hey!

This is so sweet-

It reminded of my

grandpa -*

This rocks *-*