oo whens then next chapter?

Personly, i think you got into things too soon. There should be more doubt from Carie. First of all, she is a virgin, and bcause of her past she should be more fearful of him using her against her will. Make the reader yearn for her to accept him, and make him fight for her love. Second thing, it was far to early in their relationship to say 'i love you'. Think about it in reality terms, if you'd seen a guy three times would you sleep with him? Your story also has some loopholes. He's a vampire, why is he out during the daylight, why is he at the school, and why has he been watching her? We need to know more about his nature, and his past, and when he first saw her. Why does he feel so close to her?

In my opinion, the biggest part of a romance book is pronouncing love, and sex. You've done that in your first three chapters. You shoul'd think about doing some re-writing. You have a good writing teqnique which i really like, but as a writer myself a lot of things stood out to me. I've written a romance novel of my own, and the development, personlity, and nature of the lovers was present far before they ever slept together.

PS, I liked the sex scene. They are one of the hardest type of scenes to write for me. I can never seem to get my characters personlities out, and tie in their thoughts and feelings.

You are welcome to contact me by email if you want to talk to me furthur, or get more sugestions. I'd be happy to oblidge.

Wow!Gr8t story I can't wait 2 read mo. Holla.

O.o...wow it has been awhile since I've read this. I have to read it again. Although after the many siftings of my favorties and review alert, I never deleted this one. Must have been really well written. Well, even though I don't remember much of it, I still can't wait for the nect chapter to be posted. Take care.

Keep writing.

-Seras

this is very interesting! I can't wait till the next chapter

o a katana! that's my favorite weapon other than the whip! good chapy!

i wonder if Kuro will actually come...anyway. i guess i'll find out next chapter.

Yikes! Lots of action for a short chapter. Great one!

I think I'm addicted.

How is Nyle Half human, half vamp?

How can they love each other already? They just met.

That was so SWEET! Jason is hot I don't care if he's old and a vamp.

Is there going to be a plot? Or is this Fluff?

I love it! But how can he be out in the sun light?

can't wait to see how Jason knows when to turn her. good chappy!