This doesn't really tie up right. It's also too short. If it were longer and had more details, it would be more interesting for that looks more like a summary than a story. If you have patience, I suggest for you to rewrite it and I guarantee that it would turn out amazing.

cooL, this was from a totally new perspective. I luved it and the creativity of this story.

Good for 10 yrs. Neat Idea, i think that I Suck, if you did that at 10

(using spoken English) I'm thirteen too, and English isn't my first language, so what about the stupid 'purist' English thing? Languages are supposed to be flexible!

An interesting view on the subject. but just a question, how is the second chappie different from the third? .