Reviews for The Girl in the Mirror
TheLittleGirlWithAFrenchBeret chapter 9 . 11/2/2011
Ok maybe at one time I would have liked to read this story...but it's actually REALLY boring, and I actually know why now. It's because while you're writing you TELL instead of SHOWING. Good writers reveal by showing. example: ' "What. did. you. just. say?" I asked, angrily ' do you really need to say angrily? can't you tell she's angry? I know that I can just from what she says but I guess...maybe you think the people who are reading your story are idiots. That's not very nice. Also with that example, you do realize you are putting periods, right? Even if that is not grammatically correct, you need to follow the rule that after every period the next word has its first letter in upper-case. Now I know what you're thinking, you're thinking: "well if you hate it so much, why are you on chapter 9?" Good question. I'm on chapter nine because though you aren't very good at holding tension or making rising action actually...rise, and though all of the characters are pretty unbelievable -ok really, she loves Erin, she hates Erin, She loves Chad like a brother -but she's not in love with him,- yet she thinks that he is a clueless jerk-face? Do you see the inconsistencies?- the plot of the story is interesting and seems pretty original, -minus the whole 'ooh I'm a rebel! I hate my parents! I'm so cool!' part. And seriously? I don't think any blond cheerleader doesn't care about image. Duh, it's why she's a cheerleader.- and I'm intrigued. Sorry, did I say am? I meant WAS. Unfortunately the fact that you can't create tension really, really, really bugs me and I can't stand reading this story anymore, interesting as the plot-line may be. I'm sorry I know this all sounds extremely harsh...just work on the believability of the characters and the rising action and you could turn this into a kick-butt story.
nfgcassie chapter 20 . 2/2/2004
i loved the whole idea of your story. and it was very very good but the ending was sort of abrupt, isnt it?
Loah chapter 20 . 1/30/2004
AAh, I know the feeling of not wanting to end a story because you like the characters. Personally, I like Jack, but that's my opinion.
Eleni chapter 20 . 1/27/2004
aw! i loved this! i still love it! your great. please write a sequel/prequel/something of that nature. jack is deff too cool for school baby. :)
Vincenza chapter 19 . 1/25/2004
Great story! Love it very much. Must write more.
jules2206 chapter 19 . 1/22/2004
hye. this is a cool update, she's really getting outta there yay! Greg is cool I like him so much! anyway pleas update soon, BUBBAI!
rubygirl181 chapter 19 . 1/22/2004
I love it so far, please hurry up and update!
Loah chapter 18 . 1/21/2004
The title of this chapter definitely fits. At the end, I was going, "Wait, what now?"
Ragamuffin1989 chapter 18 . 1/21/2004
Wow. That was a surprising twist. Update soon please, bye
jules2206 chapter 17 . 1/16/2004
hye...i am so loving this story... I really like it.. I love Jack and Jeremy.. I dont like Chad OR her parents or her sister lol but i relaly like this story.. maybe I'll like Greg aswell if he lets her use his mobile.. her worlds just pretty fucked up at the minute ay anyway please update soon, BUBBAI!
poodlefreak chapter 16 . 12/23/2003
i guess everyone has a different belief, and I shouldn't have said that as if that is the only answer about love at first sight, and I'm sorry.
anyway, I like this chapter, there's a lot of dialogue. Anyway, keep writing, I want to know what happens to Natalie!
nfgcassie chapter 16 . 12/15/2003
youre story just keeps getting better and better. keep it up and update soon
Ariel S chapter 16 . 12/12/2003
Nice ending line. It really makes you think...
Courting Insanity chapter 16 . 12/10/2003
This is good. Hehe.. Her parents are whackos man, that is some serious bs there! For a moment, I was starting to actually believe the stuff they were putting out, so no wonder she was placed in the inso, but man. Waking up to what Natalie did, that was whacked out. The whole life that Natalie had thought of before with Chad, that is.. so blah. I'm not dissing anyone who lives like that or anything, but it's just... stereotypical. Jack sounds awesome though. Anyway, update soon coz I wanna know how the escape goes.
Charmed
Emma chapter 16 . 12/10/2003
i cant wait too see how she gets out.. make sure u update soon!
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