Reviews for Unexpected
sarah.evangelina chapter 11 . 11/3/2011
Asagao chapter 12 . 1/1/2008
I was impressed by your growth as a writer as evidenced by contrasting the first and last chapter.

The first chapter was full of very elementary, basic sentence structure, but the last chapter had a lot of description and complex sentence structures. the one thing i would advise you to work on is run-on sentences. a sentence should never have more than 2 actions.


"The most cynical of stories spread told of her escape and capture by a loose young lord, who seduced her and then abandoned her to her enraged fiance, who shunned her, causing her to succumb to grief and fever." this sentence has six actions: escape, capture, seduce, abandon, shun, and cause.

this should probably be broken up into something like this:

"The most cynical of stories spread told of her escape and capture by a loose young lord. Supposedly this man seduced her and when he was through, abandoned her to her enraged fiance. When all was said and done, she was left to succumb to her own grief and fever."

Or something like that. you understand? just a suggestion. :)

I was also impressed by how your vocabulary has seemed to grow since the beginning.

Last but not least, the last sentence was very powerful and beautiful, and had a delicious sense of finality - the perfect way to end a story.

Hope this helped!

much love,

jekodama chapter 12 . 8/3/2006
OH MY GOD! YOU KILLED HER! HOW COULD YOU? YOU SICK, SICK WOMAN! YOU'RE THE NASTIEST PERSON EVER! WHEN SHE WAS FINALLY GOING TO BE HAPPY! I HATE YOU! THAT WAS THE WORST ENDING EVER! It was so good until that crappy ending! I'm sorry, but your ending sucks BIG TIME! this ending chapter doesn't even have the same narrative qualities that the other chaptes have. It was poorly written, it doesn't have style whatsoever, and it doesn't make any sense. I totally agree with katty: why would her father beat her up when before he was so sad to break the news to her about Stefen? it doesn't make any sense. I strongly suggest you to rewrite it, and to really take your time to think what you write, and not rush a non-fitting idea.
Aurora Lavender chapter 12 . 6/24/2006
I liked the ending it was...unexpected ;) Seriously I liked it, but I'm kind of wondering what he did after he left. Did he ever find someone else? Or did he spend the rest of his days in love with a girl that was no longer with him? hm...
katty chapter 12 . 3/1/2005
this story did not make any SENSE! it was like it was rushed or something...i mean why whould her father beat her up when before he was soo sad to break the news to her about her guard. im sorry but the story SUCKED!
Share Bear chapter 12 . 10/17/2004
I'm glad she's dead.
Does Lydia have a sister or a cousin? It would be funny if Trevin ended up with someone closely related to her that kind of looked like her or something, lol. That's funny.
I crack myself up!
CrystalDusk chapter 12 . 10/3/2004
inanutshellikizz chapter 12 . 8/28/2004
well..poo...i'm making you re-write this. and if you think i dont have the power to do so- well YOUR WRONG! goo go go ! write. this time make it cheery:)-
BuffLie chapter 12 . 8/16/2004
Oh. I like it. Even if it's not a happy ending. I like the part about the rumors as well.
Aurora Lavender chapter 12 . 8/16/2004
Where'd she go?
Is she dead, if she is that's too bad. Poor Trevin, he needs a real woman.
Dawn chapter 12 . 8/16/2004
Please consider completing your conclusion - it is a bit odd.
BuffLie chapter 11 . 8/4/2004
The change of your name somehow made me ignore the last alert I got for this story, lol. I forgot it was one I had been reading. Anyway, this is cute :)
Aurora Lavender chapter 11 . 8/4/2004
That was the best chapter ever! Brilliant!
I like Lydia now, she's not so bad and Trevin is still hot. Go Trevin!
Ps, This is from a reader’s viewpoint. I don't give criticism, because I wouldn’t know how to help, lol.
Pss, I think your friend only mentioned spelling. Horrible speller was your words, while spelling errors were your friend's words.
Aurora Lavender chapter 10 . 8/2/2004
Trevin is hot! If I had it my way I'd be the one pushing Lydia aside. She better get her grimy hands off my man!
Just kidding, seriously now, let's get to what I really want to say.
Trevin I like, Lydia I'm warming up to and this was a pretty not bad (Nick's words ;-) –chapter. I hope she doesn’t die, but yet I do, lol. Maybe the fever will knock some stupidity out of her (I could have said knock some sense into her, but this way was funnier), lol. I’m just kidding. I crack myself up, lol! I wonder if this review makes sense, well it does to me, so I guess that’s all that matters. Boy, am I weird or what?
Please no comments, I have a pretty good idea of what you might say.
Aurora Lavender chapter 9 . 7/27/2004
Ok, I decided that I don't like her (Lydia), but it's a pretty good story, better than I could do, that's for sure. Still confusing in some parts, but it's late and I might just need to read it again when I'm fully awake.
Keep up the good work! :)
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