Reviews for Untouchable
CocoBeans chapter 2 . 11/24/2003
Interesting... I like your plot, it's.. interesting; although, this type of story isn't really my type. May I add a few pointers?

1) Perhaps you can make the chapters a bit longer.

2) Don't have so many "...".

3) Add a few more descriptions; I understand your fic but I'm still a bit lost. Are you talking about the past? Maybe more descriptions on your age? Appearance? The man's appearance? 5 W's. Who? What? Where? When? and Why?

And 4) I know you can do better. Write better, I mean. And don't say that your ONLY 14; there are 14 year olds around this site that write extremely well. Age doesn't/shouldn't justify how well you write.

Update soon. I'll be checking back.

Toodles!
blacklives4ever chapter 1 . 11/23/2003
Wow, is that true? I've always wanted to be a vampire too, but I've never had dreams like that. If you are the savior, can you please turn me into a vampire too? :-) I'm serious tho