Reviews for Legend of Chaos
Shimagami chapter 4 . 2/15/2004
Can't take preppiness... must kill!
write fasta!
~Shimagami~
0_o
Shimagami chapter 3 . 2/15/2004
red, eh? A nice jucy color.
like the names to (there all stones. do I see a trend?)
Shimagami chapter 2 . 2/15/2004
*scraches head*
I don't know what to say...
It's very intruging, but maybe a bit rushed.
other then that I love it already!
~Shimagami~
_~
Shimagami chapter 1 . 1/10/2004
I love it!
It's completly original!
I congragulat you! You have just enthralled another reader.
Pheonix Slayer and I are writing a set of books together. I have the first book, and I would love it if you would read my summery (when it gets up)!
~Shimagami~
_
LiteraryNut chapter 4 . 1/9/2004
cant...take...preppiness...must...kill... Watch out for Sues, m'dear!
LiteraryNut chapter 3 . 1/9/2004
Wow, that's a lotta stones. Will there be a hematite? Cuz that stone kicks arse.
LiteraryNut chapter 2 . 1/9/2004
hesitation... hesitation... oh.
LiteraryNut chapter 1 . 1/9/2004
O!
ZealWarrior chapter 4 . 1/2/2004
-Not a bad start, the first chapter was certainly the best. You captured the essence of a fantasy tale in the introduction. The story kind of reminded me of a game called Legend of Dragoon for Playstation.
-Anyway, you need to fix chapter 2, the dialogue is all messed up and jumbled up in one long paragraph. You fixed that problem in the third and fourth chapters so please do fix it for the second one (It gets really confusing when we don't know who said what).
-Also, for some other advice, please add a lot more detail to your story, when I say a lot more, I mean it. Due to the lack of description, there is no sense of time-everything is happening too quickly. For example, when the girls start on their adventure in chapter 3, they meet up with Topaz in what, like two seconds? If you add more description of how far they went and the time passing by, it would seem a lot more realistic.
Also, when they meet up with Emerald, you can do the same.
-Don't go for generic descriptions like, "She was wearing a black cape and had wavy black hair. She had light skin, red lips, and piercing gray eyes. They gave her chills." Make it more detailed and less common.
-This story looks to be getting good and reminds me of some videogames I like, hopefully you'll take my advice to heart and add more description to heighten the sense of time. Overall, a cool story with interesting characters. Please keep it up.
El Perro Fantastico chapter 1 . 1/2/2004
it makes very little sense to me
it works unless in the wrong hands. therss no electricity dark or light element. just wind ,fire , water, and earth. the rest just sounds gay. hope you never write this book.
-championship vinyl
White-Mage-Of-Death chapter 3 . 12/2/2003
This is my new chapter. I love IT!
Puff2978 chapter 2 . 12/1/2003
Haha, it's getting good. I love the excitement you get when Sapphire jumped on the bed. I love your characters and how they respond to eachother can really be interesting. Great job!
Puff2978 chapter 1 . 12/1/2003
the first chapter was okay. one question: this sounded a lot like "Legend of Dragoon" an RPG. Couldn't help but noticed. Anyways, nice retelling and summary.
PheonixSlayer chapter 1 . 12/1/2003
Sounds like a really interesting story. So hurry up and write it. Go! Write! Now!
catbrooks chapter 1 . 12/1/2003
Sounds really interesting! I'm putting you on Author Alert, don't let me down! lol