Reviews for Royal Innocence
1.4.5.6.7 chapter 5 . 12/7/2006
aready written this, but then it said refresh ur page so i didnt no if it got through but the basic gist was: i like this story very much. write more soon. OR write more NOW! its a simple choice, *evil laughter!* soon means within the next five minutes.
Maiasaura chapter 5 . 7/12/2006
I'm so glad you're back! I've only recently come back to FictionPress myself, and I found that pretty much all of the stories that I read had sat idle for years. As has mine. But I'm so glad you're back! This story has always intrigued me, and just a month ago or so, I was wondering what had happened to it.

I thought the very beginning of the chapter was a little confusing. You start out talking about rejoining the rest of the escort, and then you go back to what had happened earlier that morning, before they rejoined the escort. That's a perfectly acceptable way to write it, and to vary the timeline, but it wasn't really clear until about the 10th paragraph, when you say "Now . . . " Since you're talking in double past tense, all of the verbs need to have a "have" or "had." You do it sometimes, but not others. "Had been gone," "had dispatched," and "had protested" are great, but then you stop doing it.

Also, I went back to read the previous chapter (it's been a while, you know), and at the end of the chapter, Brigail had already found a dressing gown, before Dainen had left. So he couldn't have questioned the stable hand by the time the dressing gown had been found, as you say in this chapter.

Your writing style flows very well. I appreciated that you aren't an author who uses extra flowery language because the think it makes them sound educated or something. You know the type, who use clichéd Shakespearean language in one sentence, and a third-grade reading level the next? Yeah, you don't do that. And it makes me happy.

There are a few places where I think maybe there are typos. I'm not sure, but there are times when I thought adding a word here or there would make a lot more sense. Example: "There is that, but it's the only reason." I was thinking she meant it's NOT the only reason. It makes more sense in the context, I think. There was at least one more place like that, but I can't find it now. Maybe it really didn't exist.

Lastly, I like the conflict between Valina and Dainen. It wouldn't be nearly as fun if they actually got along, after all. I imagine they'll eventually reach "some kind of understanding," but the conflict is exciting. Their characters are so strong that we constantly wonder who will come out on top this time. I personally vote for Dainen, but it's the process that interests me most. And you do very well with it. I do like that she managed to win one, even if I do agree with him more.

Sorry, I didn’t mean this to be so long. Well, keep up the good work. I really appreciate your efforts. I look forward to your next update.

~
jane chapter 4 . 4/23/2006
i really like this story. it's really fun to read. i love Valina's personality. pretty sweet story, keep on writing!
Islandbreeze chapter 4 . 8/15/2005
She acted very mature in not arguing in front of the men, and I liked her for that. Danien and the door...sleeping on the job tsk tsk. Another good chapter to add to a good story. Update soon please:)
Islandbreeze chapter 3 . 8/15/2005
Ugh, riding for so long...and then Danien's mockery...hm, I don't know how she puts up with it. Another Queen passed through, hm? That's intriguing, and this was a nice chapter to seehow Valina really thinks about the men and people in general, if that makes any sense.
Islandbreeze chapter 1 . 8/15/2005
This is a really interesting beginning, I like all the detail and also the voice you used for this. Sounds like a start to a great story, and the last line was nicely placed.
Dragen Eyez chapter 4 . 2/4/2005
wow..this is verra good. i hope you continue writing thiS!
Maiasaura chapter 4 . 2/1/2005
I'm so proud of her, deciding not to undermine his authority in public. It's a very appropriate gesture. I decided the same thing about my boss, after passing up two great opportunities to humiliate him. It's simply the proper thing to do.

I like him, and I feel sorry for him. Especially that he was "leaning" on her door. And that she insists on being so stubborn. I know it's from her point of view, and that I should feel sorry for her rather than him, but she's pushed just a little too far, in my opinion.

Anyway, I love this story. Keep updating!
Queen Thayet chapter 3 . 1/22/2005
How totally awesome! I have fallen in love with your story!
Lady of romance world88 chapter 3 . 12/27/2004
Wow! Valina is the Queen. How does the Queen died? Why she had so many bodyguards? How come she only have one woman? She need more women like a friend or something? I'm surprised is she falling love with Dainen? Hurry update soon.
Maiasaura chapter 3 . 12/26/2004
I am so fascinated by this story. Keep writing! I love it.

Valina is a little too stubborn for my taste, but she seems justified but it to some extent. Dainen is too stubborn, too, and too ornery, but that makes their interaction all the funnier.

Update soon! I'm excited to read more.
babixbunny chapter 3 . 12/26/2004
at least dainen will eat. is he there guarding her door all night? update soon!
babixbunny chapter 2 . 12/26/2004
i can feel the tension between them lol. i felt so bad for that soldier, he didn't know who to listen to. hmm nice cahpter
babixbunny chapter 1 . 12/26/2004
O she's a queen
eveningsky chapter 3 . 12/26/2004
heh, Dainen. I really like your story! please update soon!
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