|Reviews for To Become a Suitable Heroine|
| Username129 chapter 25 . 11/4
Ignore the ignorant fellow Anon named 'dude', that commenter obviously doesn't know what a fantasy is. Now, this is some of my advice for writing a story like this,
The romance seemed a bit rushed and unconnected, I found the prince annoying and without real personality but his dialogue and history was good. I wish you would've played more on the character that had identified Ray's animal, since she seemed interesting. Lastly, I think you should read the book "Which Witch" written by Eva Ibbotson as even though her story was meant for children she had alot of endearing characters and lovable scenes. "Which Witch" is also about a contest for females but her main female protagonist was almost like yours,
If you read-Thank you!, I really enjoyed your story!
| dude chapter 1 . 10/14
Purple hair isn't natural neither are amber eyes. Were you on drugs when you wrote this and forgot what people looked like.
| hanuman1702 chapter 2 . 9/15
First of all, OH MY GOD! I'm already swooning over Prince Ashenar! I love the story so far. There's only one thing that I thought I must point out: punctuation in dialogue. For instance, you wrote: "Oh, up to the rooms allocated to each heroine." The old man said, casually.
The full stop after "heroine" should be replaced with a comma.
| hanuman1702 chapter 1 . 9/15
Hey! I don't think this is slow at all-it's moving at a pretty good pace :)
I love the tone you used in the writing. Ray comes off as a very sarcastic and hilarious character (my favourite type!). Can't wait to read what happens next!
| Bella Galathynius Archeron chapter 25 . 6/24
You should remove this story from Fictionpress. Wait a sec, that sounded like I hate this story. Not at all! I love it! It has a super original plot and a great love story. The reason I wanted you to remove it from this site is so you can publish it as a novel. I'm not even kidding. You could really be an author if you published this. It's so good. It does have one little plot hole, though. When Ray figures out that Ash is the prince, it doesn't really make sense. He looks like himself, with the purple eyes and silver hair. However, you said that almost all of the Heroines recognized him and threw themselves at him (being how Ray realizes Ash is the prince). But, the prince has had dark hair and the green? blue? eyes for the whole time they knew him as the prince. How do they know that the guy with silver hair and purple eyes is the same person as the prince. Not sure if that made any sense. Basically, the Heroines recognized him as the prince when he looked different than the prince they knew. Love your story!
| MyDeepDarkSorrow chapter 25 . 4/22
Well that was frigging amazing
| Acie chapter 24 . 4/9
I went back and reread the whole story *sigh* that's just how sad my life is... But the story was amazing, as were the characters and it's 2017 now so you probably won't even be on here but it is still an amazing story so I'll re review it (is this classified as ranting) so I just want to say how awesome it is that I'm in love with this story even after re reading it for the fifth time) thank you for everything.
| chtb00 chapter 25 . 2/14
While reading this chapter I was constantly wondering whether they would end up together and was certain that wasn't the case when I neared the end because of the constant rejections. I am happy to find out that that wasn't the case. It probably would have occupied my mind for days to come. thank you for taking the time to write this story and not be one of those annoying people who don't finish their stories or someone who has a unsatisfying ending and know it.
| Odille chapter 25 . 1/7
You're so talented! I reeeeaaaally enjoyed this story an loved the way youbdescribed the first kiss 3 Thank you for the wonderful read! xx
| Acie chapter 25 . 12/21/2016
You're amazing and I hope all your dreams come true unless you're evil and want to kill someone in which case I hope only your good dreams come true. Anyway I get off topic a lot but I will come back to your amazingness now. This story is A LOT like this other story I read and really liked but its quite different from it too, the only reason I'm writing this review is because I'm supposed to be sleeping and I know you won't even read this since it was published in 2005. Why am I ranting?
Thanks for the story, Bye x)
| Dalix chapter 25 . 11/26/2016
Thank you for this story and for completing it.
| Ashmir chapter 25 . 10/15/2016
Thank you for the story! Your writing is amazing
| Iceberry the Dragon Cat chapter 14 . 7/13/2016
Truthfully, I hate ash. He's just annoying and rude at this point.
I like ana alot, she's sweet and the ideal friend in this situation!
| Iceberry the Dragon Cat chapter 11 . 7/13/2016
When your angry and in a hurry, you forget stuff easily. I know from experience xD
| Iceberry the Dragon Cat chapter 8 . 7/13/2016
Lol, this is funny