Reviews for To Become a Suitable Heroine
Guest chapter 25 . 1/15/2015
Your story's adorable. Your strengths of humor and lightheartedness could really get you somewhere someday. :)
FlameOtter chapter 8 . 12/28/2014
Waaaah. Kitties are cute.
The contests never fail to be interesting!
Keep it up...
FlameOtter chapter 5 . 12/28/2014
The domino effect was cool...
I hope it's not annoying to receive more than one review per person...
Well, I'm hoping for Ash and Ray to I guess?
FlameOtter chapter 2 . 12/28/2014
Exciting...looking forward to the rest...
Which you already posted...ok. Yep.
Lazerkat chapter 20 . 12/26/2014
Hey, I love your story so far. Rash is adorable and if they can't be together in this story then I will come know...*evil grin*
Guest chapter 25 . 12/22/2014
Hi, I'm Nightcrawlerfw and you convinced me to review even though it is 12:30 at night and it is all your fault that I'm up this late in the first place. I read hp fanfiction. I never knew about fiction press. I had just finished a story and the author referred readers to their fiction press site to read more stories, I then discovered this site. None of their stories sounded good so I went searching and found your story! This was my first story read on this site and my first review in this site. I fell in love with this story and the characters. It was very funny and clever. I want to marry Ash now, ahem, I have a case known as having crushes on imaginary characters. Thanks for creating one more imaginary guy I can never date. ;) Well I'm going to sleep now. Buh bye!
Harry Lizzy chapter 25 . 11/30/2014
Oh! I loved this story sooo much and I am so upset it's over. This has got to be one of the best things I have ever read. It makes me want to laugh and cry; it is just to good. Thank you for writing such a beautiful masterpiece. Thank you :D
princessoftheshadowsofdestiny chapter 10 . 11/23/2014
this story litterally made me laugh so hard i turned purple. My brother was so worried!
iheartdecimalpoint chapter 3 . 11/1/2014
It was funny and nice... and I can guess whho 'Ash' is :D I love purple, so purple eyes and hair is awesome to me! cu! C:
iheartdecimalpoint chapter 1 . 11/1/2014
personally, I think it's great, even if that's mainly cuz it's funny :D
MileyRowling chapter 25 . 8/26/2014
I for one loved this!
hey chapter 25 . 8/19/2014
Hey. Decent story, I found it by going down the list of top reviewed stories. Number one is homoerotic of course. Anyway, I'm sure you understand that from a constructive criticism standpoint, there are many flaws with the story, but even the best writers earliest unpublished work sucks. The title though seems so striking. If you ever become a professional writer, this story seems like it'd be a fantastic novel if rewritten and expanded.
Sinares chapter 25 . 8/18/2014
Okay, I'm reviewing this chapter, as per your wishes. I actually REALLY liked how this story was all capslock and over-the-top hysterics. It's nice to finally read something light and funny that you can just bust a gut laughing at! Also, the basic idea is genius! You could totally take that idea and make it into an actual novel! Like, a published one! It's brilliant!
Anyways, I really did love this story. I stayed up WAAAAY too late last night reading it, and now it's already 2 in the afternoon and I still haven't gotten out of bed. You're a genius. I'm pretty sure I've already said that though.
Krystall chapter 25 . 8/7/2014
I really like this story. No, really. It's better than the cliched crap that usually fill fantasy stories. There's no overly-sentimental metaphor, no over-the-top angst. It's done in an unconventionally honest and unique fashion. The lines of thinking actually WORK in a natural way. The randomness of Ray's character isn't overdone like I've seen in some Mary Sues (shudder) and I could see some of her points in her personality come off as realistic. Her pride gets in the way sometimes, and it also helps sometimes.
However, every story has some low points.
Neie, although understandably evil, feels a little too much . . . evil frou-frou lady. Toning it down a bit so that she's more of a background character might be better.
Trilliasia (did I spell that right?) needed a bit more character, rather than simply "perfect slutty princess". It isn't really important, because she's a background character, but I'd reccomend it.
Also, in the beginning, Ray's name was "Lady Larayis Estarr" or something like that. Eventually, her last name changed to "Astarr" in some instances and her name became "Larasia." Just something that I noticed that should be changed. Using the "Find" tool in Microsoft helped me when I noticed some irregularities like that - I'm writing a fantasy book right now (not available here) and it helped when I messed terms up.
In my opinion, though, the kiss scene here (first one) was unlike any other. Unconventional but beautiful like this story, it actually explored the real love underneath all the cliches and romanticized depictions and whatnot.
And I found it beautiful.
Imthecolourofnight chapter 25 . 7/26/2014
Seeing as how I'm nearly a decade late, I'll keep this brief.
I hated this ending.
I hated it so much, every line that I read made me almost literally scream with rage, although the end of the end did subside said rage.
Nah, fuck that brief business.
So, on the whole, this story was fantastic, I really couldn't wait to read the next chapter as I was going through, so I finished it all in one go (Thank the gods for that one, cause it looks like real life kept you pretty busy, I would've had to wait a while.)
The characters developed great, not too fast, and not to slow, with some minor exceptions.
The story, which many write off as cliche, I find refreshing. Personally, I'm surprised that even stories that make fun of cliche's are following suit.
It was pretty obvious that you got sick of your writing style some ways through, as you even said it yourself, but you had to finish it in the same writing style for consistency. Here's a serious advice, and one I won't hesitate to give to any writer, even one's whose old style I loved ever so dearly: if your style of writing changes and you're not done with a story, it's gotta go.
The problem with change is that there's no room for what was left behind, and I feel like this story (however happy I am that it got an ending) should be one of those things you left behind. At most, you should have made a final chapter concluding it all, but continuing in a style you no longer have brings down the writing and reading experiences quite a bit.
I will admit, even before the Style Change, some of the writing was a bit cringe-worthy, but that was almost 10 years ago, so I'm sure nothing I say will have relevance.
You did ask us readers to at least review the last chapter, at the very least so here goes:
Ray is obviously in love with Ash, so it makes no sense for her to deny her identity to the page boy, when it becomes apparent that Ash has gone very, very far out of his way to find the girl.
Love Ana, end of story.
Previous to this chapter, I loved Ray. She was just the right mix of snark and intelligence that makes for a lovable character. However, all that like for her was completely, for lack of a better word, fucked.
I almost didn't finish the chapter because I am tired of the self depreciating "I'm not good enough" characters, but that's just my personal opinion, so please don't take it personally. She spends the whole time being constantly reminded of Ash (duh) and missing him, and at the same time she was actively going out of her way to make him leave, even so far as to lie about her true feelings, I guess I just don't know how that works, but that feels a little bi-polar to me.
That was really my problem with the chapter, just Ray. Otherwise, as far as not having this style of writing anymore goes, great writing, nothing to complain about. I'll be sure to Czech out your other works to see if I find something I enjoy completely, which I hope won't be too hard.
End review/rant.
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