You have excellent pacing; the narrative is swift and no longer than it needs to be. Some of your diction is clunky, but that's easily resolved in the editing, excuse me, distillation of your piece. And some of your thoughts are ambigious, like when the king banishes Mikona in chapter one; I thought she had been taken without his consent. I think this is very marketable fantasy, though. Bravo.

I really enjoyed this story. To say that it was just good is quite an injustice. It didn't end as I expected but who cares. Thanks for writing. Keep up the good work & take care.

hey, I really am enjoying your story. If you wanted to get to my fanfiction account, my penname is shinnstellar13. The title of my story is Fallen Destiny. I'll send an actual review once i've finished reading the entire story. See you Monday, I guess.

WHAT?

Is Harry alive?Why did Vince kidnap everyone?What's with the dragons?Is Phyll gay and did he hit on Ken...whatever?

...AH! It's a very very good thing I'm reading this story late and you already have a sequel or I just might have a heart attack. Great job on everything though, except I think this is a strange place to end a story. (But then it's original so it works.)

-jelie36-

I would be screaming at you right now if I didn't still have hope that Harry has simply drifted ashore on some desolate beach. NEXT CHAPTER!

-jelie36-

Or, you know, I could have been wrong about Lily. *Shifty eyes* XD

-jelie36-

Muahahaha I knew that Lily wouldn't last long. NEXT CHAPTER!

(A.k.a. - great job on this story. _)

-jelie36-

At least the doomed character isn't my favorite for once. Yay for Harry! XD On to the next chapter!

-jelie36-

Have you ever read Ella Enchanted? The first part of this chapter reminded me of that book. (If you haven't read Ella Enchanted, just know this is a major compliment. _)

-jelie36-

AH this is good. _ But I do have one question. Why doesn't Audrey seem more aggravated about the King, who wanted her dead, staying in her house? (This might be revealed later... so I'm going to be quiet now. X)

-jelie36-

I want to move on to the next chapter so I'll make this as short as possibly - I love the format of this story. _

-jelie36-

I love Charmond/Harry and Felicity/Lisa already. Nice job on developing everyone's personalities from their mom. _ Loving this story so... on to the next chapter!

-jelie36-

Is EVERYONE in this story related to each other? XD Nice job, keeping us on our feet. I would say "Keep it up, I'm really liking this," except... you're already finished. Ah well. Keep it up anyway haha.

-jelie36-

Just started reading your story today and so far I'm really liking it. _ You've definitely got talent and I think you'll be great one day. This story's drawn me in after only 5 chapters haha! Although I did notice one small problem that you might want to hear about. When Jeffrey and Sean meet in the forest, Jeffrey introduces Mikona as "his" sister. Sean greets her formally and then the two guys proceed to ignore Mikona. Well if Jeff and Sean are twin brothers, wouldn't Sean be a little more excited to be meeting his long lost little sister? I know you've already completed this story and have probably worked out the little kinks like this, but I figured I'd mention it anyway. _ On to the next chapter!

Keep writing!

-jelie36-

Goose this is a hoorible story