Reviews for The Headless Snowman
The Rush chapter 1 . 12/20/2003
I think that this story has potential, but you definitely should improve it. There is quite a lot of repitition in it, and spelling and punctuation errors. Also it moves way too fast. If you put a bit more time and effort into it, it could probably be a lot better.
Sock chapter 1 . 12/19/2003
Okay idea. It sounds like you were trying to do a new take on the Sleepy Hollow idea. You did all right, but I have a few suggestions.
Don't use "had" so much. Not only do oyu use it wrong, but it takes away from the flow of the story. You don't need you use it very often.
Use pronouns. You say the name "Barney" a lot. It gets repetitive and slows down the action.
Be more descriptive. When you say that the snowman smashed the car straight to hell, you could go into more detail without being boring. Also, what were the two people doing at that time?
And for my final note, I didn't at all care when the characters died. You should try to at least do a minimal amount of character development so that your readers will have some sort of emotion towards your characters. Otherwise, they're just slabs of meat.