Reviews for My December
decAying chapter 1 . 12/24/2003
Autumn Tears - if you think that's a bad run on sentance, you should read some of my older pieces! Not to mention cumbersome language.. last year I did some insane stuff that even I can't stand to read anymore. oh my, does that mean I'm maturing?
Autumn tears chapter 1 . 12/24/2003
Hm, well I liked the ending, but thats about it. The rest of the story seemed overshadowed by your language choices. Not every word has to be long and complicated for a story to be beautiful, in fact it makes it difficult to read because it doesn't flow right. The other thing that took away from the flow of the work was your sentence structure.
Come the eve of the day, the typical rush of relations, forgotten 364 days of the year, bearing small offerings and victuals, invaded my residence
That has got to be one of the longest run on sentences I've ever seen. Most of your sentences were long- try breaking them up with some shorter, heartbreaking sentences in between. You have to combine all sorts of styles of writing to get a trule wonderful piece. But other than some of the grammitical errors- it's well written. You have a great idea here, complete with details and plenty of emotion and in the end thats what matters most. Good job and Merry (or not-so-Merry) Christmas.
Jezebel Malice chapter 1 . 12/24/2003
O...i really like that
its is very leading
yet you arent exactly sure..
its true
this holiday has become far to commercial
it makes me kind of ill
yet
i fall for it every year
kudos
you made my christmas