Reviews for then and now
Arcania chapter 1 . 6/16/2004
Wow. This poem reveals so much, and it is so desperate I have to say I loved it. The longing you feel is amazing in this.
Whipstickagostop chapter 1 . 1/16/2004
Why don't you use the word eternity? words like eternity, soul, dark, and angel. These are very moving words,and will evoke the right image in the person's mind, and make your poem a lot more moving. Yeah... Dark Angel is my Soul for Eternity.
zelle chapter 1 . 1/11/2004
Well.
First, to reply to your comment:
Slightly less convincing with all the spelling errors and such. But I won't count it against you.
Also, sorry if my poetry makes you want to yak, but quite frankly, no one was twisting your arm and making you read it. And I'm not gonna bawl and yell at you for giving your honest opinion (yes, I'm a big girl. I can handle it) because then that would make me a hypocrite. But let me suggest that you be a bit more polite on other people, who may not take what you have to say so well.
I can also understand now (after reading some of your work) WHY you didn't like it: becuase it just wasn't your style and what you enjoyed.
Well, not my problem. I write these poems very selfishly and most certainly not to fit your tastes. The only reason I post them up here is so that I can get criticism and learn from experience how to improve.
On the subject of criticism, if you really think my writing is lame, mind telling me why its lame? Even if it's just that "it ain't my style", it makes your argument a little more convincing.
And now, to move on to your poem:
Very interesting. The internal rhyme and the whole "ba bum ba ba bum" rhythm. Makes it easier to read (and yes, I am a very versatile person. I enjoy reading all kinds of poetry and won't tell you that your writing sucks just because you didn't like mine)
Very natural. I can imagine this as rap. Especially: "I'm past the danger of your anger, see how time estranges
You wore your hand in mine; your fingers symbolic bar cages
Released- your grip ripped my heart though I know the beat still rages"
Very much a realist approach. Urban-esque. Emotional.
See? Now let's all be mature adults here.
Angele Raye chapter 1 . 1/9/2004
This is really good. It really feels like theres a person behind all of the words, some poems seem empty.
"I wonder if you were in the same position could you live through what feels like death"
Raye
Onion Ring chapter 1 . 1/3/2004
Wow that was deep and pretty good. you have nice mwetaphors and you are able to capture real emotion. Well love is always a hard thing and ti is good that you sougfht closure! I think people can easily relate to this, it's good!
Soulist chapter 1 . 1/2/2004
I like this it's good.
kalariah chapter 1 . 12/29/2003
This is the first of yours I can recall reading that actually.. feels somewhat ..hopeful.. by the end. Wow. Like, really, wow.
Love this part right here: "I'm happier now than I've ever been; commanding my own actions with
authority
I used to think what could have been but I got friendships now that take
priority"
Excellently written. On a side note, I think your writing style is vastly improving. You were good before, but this has the previous ones all beat.
tiphany chapter 1 . 12/29/2003
Very good. I've been there, i relate to this poem very much. I know i've already said it but i really do like the way you have with words.
Unchained Soul chapter 1 . 12/27/2003
Wow I like this one a lot. How do you do that? The rhyming is amazing. Great job.
Crazy Arms chapter 1 . 12/26/2003
This poem is so awesome. You have so much talent. I like the wording in your poem, good use of vocabulary as usual. The poem has such a strong meaning and the rhyming brings the meaning out even more. Again, good job, and keep writng.
GohanKiSon chapter 1 . 12/26/2003
Ah, I like it. The internal rhymes were very interesting and kept it moving. Especially liked the last line in the piece. Good work.