|Reviews for Lochinvar|
| lochanvar chapter 1 . 7/28/2014
lochanvar sir walter scott
| MistressBlack852 chapter 5 . 5/27/2010
oh gosh, i absolutely loved this story, there's nothing else i can say!
your writing is excellent!
| Genato chapter 5 . 5/11/2010
Hm. I'm not quite sure you've executed your plot as nicely as possible.
First, when Sir Henry rejected Edward's suit, Edward just... left. I don't know, I think you wrote him to be really angry. But you portrayed his character to be soo in love with Ellen that you could have at least made him protest a bit or maybe you could've had him say some dramatic parting lines that he won't give up.. etc.
Also, what was the point of killing off Edward's brother? I mean, maybe you wrote that so every obstacle will be lost before their marriage except the thing about Ellen accepting Raulin's proposal. LIke, it could be more bittersweet and so that he could have had a reason to go back... But you didn't... maximize? the use of that action?
Another thing, there was this loose end about Raulin telling Ellen about Edward's supposedly brutal acts and I think you wrote that Ellen believed him.. I think. THen many you should've had Ellen confronting Edward about it 'coz I don't think Ellen's character tolerate those kinds of action, as seen by her reactions to Raulin's reports.
Then, YOu also portrayed Ellen to be so dutiful to her father, but she left to elope... I mean, maybe you could've wrote more hesitation on her part, since you've emphasized her dutiful-ness. :)
Meanwhile, you could have pointed out how Edward's character changed over war and the death of his father.. I mean.. he was all so standoffish at Ellen's wedding. I mean, he was trying to woo the family three years ago... ANd if you decided that he doens't care for that anymore, then you could've at least wrote about it.
I loved the last line, "Then thank God chilvalry is dead." Really I do, but maybe you could've added some other detail?
Ack. I'M SO SORRY these are all criticisms. Yo don't have grammatical errors (or I just didn't see one) The plot is simple and cliche but with the right execution it could be really great. :)
| readaholicxxx chapter 5 . 8/23/2009
| aims80 chapter 6 . 2/2/2005
| faery tragedy chapter 6 . 12/9/2004
I like the epilogue. It brings a really peaceful closure to the rest of the piece. I actually had to reread it again (not like I minded :)). I still love that part where Edward's abroad, fighting. G'luck on "Thorn"!
| J.E.Wyatt chapter 1 . 12/5/2004
please continue _
| Mina Carlisle chapter 6 . 12/4/2004
Aw, what a cute love story! I'm so glad that I decided to read this, I only wish that it was longer! I loved it!
| serendipity90 chapter 6 . 6/14/2004
cute! v Cute!
| W3DNESDAY chapter 2 . 6/12/2004
another great chapter.. have i told you how much i love historical/(-esque) fiction? lol
this chap. is the perfect length and has the perfect content.. enough to keep me wanting to read more but not overwhelming )
(ps..take a look at my story too?)
| W3DNESDAY chapter 1 . 6/12/2004
wow, this sounds great
i love edward!
did you spell mademoiselle wrong or is demoiselle just another way to say it? huh, interesting..
edward sounds like a hottie! (excuse my boy-crazed 14-yr-old language..lol)
i love this..it's very well written and smooth.. the romance pulls at the heart strings without being disgustingly fluffy ) *muah!
must read more!
| oreos chapter 1 . 4/6/2004
edward is a very idealistic man for the medieval times. most younger brothers would feel some sort of animosity towards their older brothers since they would inherit all and the younger nothing. but it's very good so far! and if you like stories about medieval times, i strongly suggest you read sharon kay penman. she's amazing.
| TheForgottenArtz chapter 6 . 4/2/2004
hey poohba, when are u going to start a new story?
| TheForgottenArtz chapter 1 . 2/15/2004
hey! theres a new story out! oh gosh, youre already finished with this story? i guess i'll have to just read it all now, :D i love the beginning, gonna read more soon, hey, could you read my new ones, the enchantress and twin sisters, i need constructive criticism... :) thanks so much
| JustDuck chapter 6 . 2/9/2004
Hooray! They're reinstated and still have their estate!
Aw...a little bairn is on the way! When you described the look that passed between the ladies - I wondered if they were long lost sisters or something.