Reviews for Lonely Porcelain Doll
karmakaze chapter 1 . 5/28/2004
Aww, that's so sad. Good though.
BTW, you listened to t.A.T.u. when you were eleven? Wow...
Crazy Chick Mia chapter 1 . 1/5/2004
wow. i love the idea.
i agree with the other review on the few words...i might not have thought of that, but yeah, it would help a tad. but even as it is, i know I get a strong image of a doll, high up on the wall on a little shelf. where she once would have been placed by a parent with pride, and had the little girl ooh and ahh...but then the novelty wore off because she never moved or did anything, could not be given a 'character', or a name or anything a doll normally wold :* so, so sad! it's good words though, it rhymes and a good, even pace is kept. i luv this one very much! ) a really good work, you should be very proud of this one!
Angsty Teenage Scribbler chapter 1 . 1/3/2004
_ I love the idea behind this! Reminds me of the porcelain dolls I had... I kept playing with them, and broke them within minutes. OO; My great-grandmother stopped giving them to me after that... they're up on the shelf in my room now, preserved in their legless glory.
Well, anyway... give me a moment to nit-pick what could be improved upon...
Normally, I like it best when people use proper punctuation, but a poem like this looks fine without it.
The overall vocabulary used is all right - could be much improved upon, but it doesn't sound childish either. It's perfect for something that you want everyone to understand, but isn't remarkable.
The idea behind the poem is the most wonderful aspect in it. A lot of people who feel held back by something or shunned somehow can related to this poem.
The imagery could be better in this poem. You can get a vague idea of the doll and the surroundings, but the poem might flourish with more descriptions. Even just a little bit more would help the reader establish a clearer picture in their mind - adding a word here and there wouldn't take away from the scale of the poem. For example, change the second phrase like this:
"Poor lonely porcelain doll
The little girl she loves doesn't like to play
Afraid she'll break her pretty pale face
Afraid her tidy white dress will fray"
This gives a stronger voice to the main character, and a clearer picture to the reader. The character is mostly white to strengthen the idea that she's pristine and clean, and not allowed to be otherwise.
Well, all in all, I enjoyed the poem. ) I hope to read more of your work!