Reviews for But Still
Kusje chapter 1 . 3/23/2006
Yeah. I can relate to this.. I like the way the words simply entwine themselves together. I admire that in your poems.. We all seem to take for granted many things, its just upsetting how things work out.. Great job.
SeaVoi chapter 1 . 1/24/2004
Dude this is cool!
Bleedingtree chapter 1 . 1/21/2004
NOICE! i really like this one. i kinda put it to a melody in my head and it rocked! great job!
Check my stuff out sometime!
~Kim
Shadowz the Silver Wolf chapter 1 . 1/14/2004
I like this song. It would work wonderfuly well (sorri bout the poor grammer)with some music.
~Silver Wolf~
H. M. Banson chapter 1 . 1/12/2004
Hey, I really liked this one! As I was reading it, I got this awesome tune in my head that the words just went perfectly too... it was really cool! I was like, sing/reading this... - Anyways, I think you should title this "But Still" because it fits the message and I just think it works and sound cool. lol. ;oD (Sorry, I'm reviewing this in one of my weird moods... )
Anyways, some constructive criticism is that I think you should make it longer... maybe add in another verse or two? Other than that I really enjoyed reading it! Great job!
Always,
~Hollie
unwritten chapter 1 . 1/11/2004
i think it makes a better song than poem, because rythme wize it could be well done when played with music. in all, i liked it, nice job!
PainKiller chapter 1 . 1/10/2004
You know, they don't HAVE to ryhme; embrace and safe are assonance; they sound close enough so that it really doesn't matter.
I know the look in your eyes
Meant it was time for us to say our good-byes
Those lines were excellent. My only only suggestion would be the two lines starting with "I could see it in your..." Those sound very forced. In fact, I wouldn't have those two lines ryhme at all. Nice work.
pippin tomson chapter 1 . 1/9/2004
Try using a time kinda thing, one versde- when ur happy and times were goos
2nd- through the breakup-
3rd verse- now, after the break up
only a suggestion, but otherwise, you've conveyed a feeling of loss well.
pippin