I love the way you write. It perfectly captures the feeling of frustration and mental anguish. I'll definitely keep my eye on this page to see what dreams you show us next. Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah.

This seems really sad. Like it's missing from your life. I would have hated to have to go through life with out my father. You are really strong and I admire that. Please continue the inspireational writing it helps me to keep going.

(sigh)I wish I could say something...if this is about your father I am deeply saddened for you. I know fathers are hard.
~Soulist

Wow...this is amazing. You can sense the longing in this poem. Excellent job, by reading your works you can see how you've grown as a writer...keep it up, you're doing great!
-Linnet

This is really heart-felt, and I liked it. You can really visualize the situation and understand it.

Thats so beautiful...it really, really is...

I think this poem is a diamond in the rough. It has great sentiment, and I definitely see the beginnings of a great rhyme scheme. Your problem is in the latter aspect. You need to sharpen your lines by balancing syllabols and the rhyming words; try half rhyming. They are generally easy to balance, and in my opinion, the sound just as good.