Reviews for A Second Chance
Thinkin0fyou chapter 8 . 2/18/2004
I've gotta hand it to you. Once i started the story last night, i couldn't get my eyes away from the computer. well, im off to reading the sequel. keep it up, i love reading this ]
rollymc123 chapter 8 . 2/6/2004
Okay, you're making me blush uncontrollably here! Really, it's not like I have any more talent than the next person; I just happen to spend more time reviewing than most...nothing special, but I'm truly glad that I could help! :)
OOps, well, your explanation is completely reasonable. I remember one time I wrote a story, put it off for a year, and then tried to go back to it (but failed miserably). But I can tell you put extra effort into the last chapter; it shows really well! And I'm excited that you're posting a sequel, since you'll be able to better find inspiration and therefore your writing will reach a full extent - can't wait! I guess now I'll go into more depth, seeing as this is the end of the story...
Good: Like I mentioned before, you really paid attention to description in the last chapter; it was wonderfully done. And, yay! The plot made a drastic twist with the car accident. I was literally blinking, completely stunned at your diction! The words were very powerful and descriptive; I could clearly visualize the impact..and then my reading speed practically doubled. I really did not know what to expect when the others found out Brooke was pregnant, though I figured (with the gracious help of a certain fantastic author that developed the character so well that I could make predictions) that Erik would be happy. I like your ending as well, with the dumb question. It demonstrates their unmistakable love, as well as honesty. Erik's speech was very heartfelt and touching as well...I guess it is true...all the best men are either taken, dead, or nonexistant...or a combination of the three. - I /love/ the fact that Jason told Brooke about Erik being a wreck! That was so cool of him! The epilogue was "short and sweet" (to quote the cliche line).
Not-so-good: A small semi-technical error...in the last chapter, when Erik calls for Emma later that evening, you may want to separate that with an extra space. I assumed that they were still in the same time period, so it was awkward to read a later event immediately. This is also a little suggestion: in the epilogue, when you mention that they had some rough spots, you can give a few little examples to add mood and perhaps some humor.
Reading your author's note, I'd like to be a proofreader, but I probably couldn't be. You see, I have a mother with good intentions but more than an overdose of overprotectiveness. Such an interaction would require an exchange of email addresses, so I must heavy-heartedly respect her wishes and decline. But you can bet that I'll keep reviewing for the sequel! :D Have fun writing!
KristiexxNguyen chapter 6 . 1/31/2004
i knew it! wat's gonna happen w/ jason? pls continue!
rollymc123 chapter 6 . 1/30/2004
Okay, I have to be completely honest with you...it sounds like you're only continuing this story because of the fans, not inspiration. I'm guessing this because your description has decreased from your first chapter. Some parts where I expected lots of detail, there was none. For example, it must've been a revolution for Brooke both when Erik said he loved her and when Emma decided Erik could be her daddy. So, how was she feeling? Was there a light, uplifting sensation in her chest that made her fingertips tingle? Did her face light up when Erik became the father? Did her throat seal up and a cold, hard lump of fear contract in her stomach when the thought crossed her mind that perhaps Erik would regect her new pregnancy? Also, because of your now blunt words, the plot is going at warp-speed. It feels very rushed and I think you need to slow down. This is a hard, touching, and uplifting part for /all/ of the characters, so take your time when writing it.
Your grammar is still as good as ever and your characters are well developed. The major thing, though, is description. And now I'm going to change my usual ending; I'm not going to tell you to keep writing. I don't want to push you, I want you to write for pure inspiration.
rollymc123 chapter 4 . 1/24/2004
Wow...I'm so flattered! - I'm SO sorry I didn't review before, but I got swept up in that tornado called "the Midyears". Anyway, though my review format is still kind of primitive, it works, so I'll use it again.
Good: The plot's really coming along! I completely expected Brooke and Jason to be together, but now Erik's in the picture. I was going to suggest adding a bit more to Erik's thoughts since I assumed it would be awkward for Erik and Jason to live right nearby, but then I realized you probably intentionally didn't mention it. That adds a lot to Erik's character when you combine it with his longing for Brooke. Such a subtle point brings out so much of his personality! Nice! I also like the smooth transition that's slowly bringing Brooke out of her motherly shell. Before, it was all about her child, but you've done a wonderful job with easing her out of that and making her discover romantic love.
Bad: As a side note, maybe you could have developed Erik's character more before making him the love interest. At the beginning, he was sort of like a cardboard character; the reader percieved him as nothing more than Brooke's friend. His sudden, heatedly passionate love for her was out of the blue. Then again, you did make up for that, because now I feel very familiar with him. Also, at the beginning of chapter three when Brooke is about to break the news to Erik, you use the words "Good luck". I don't mind the phrase itself, but the way you isolated it made it sound like the writer is wishing her luck. It's very abrupt but easily fixable since you can just insert something like, "'Good luck,' she thought bitterly'". Not necessarily bitterly, but I think you get my point.
Well, there you have it. I've placed you on my author alert list, so I won't be missing anymore updates on this wonderful story! Now I shall unleash my less mature side...OMG! I LOVE IT! YOU HAVE TO UPDATE SOON! ...okay. I'm done now.
AnotherDreamer chapter 2 . 1/24/2004
i like it.
moon-girl1 chapter 4 . 1/23/2004
Hey! Great story! I love it! Your writting is very good! But you can't stop there! No, you can't! We have to see Brooke and Eric kiss! ANd now we have to wait! I can't wait! And now, I sound like a baby! Sorry! Anyway, I can't wait to read the next chapter so please update soon!
Veronique
KristiexxNguyen chapter 3 . 1/20/2004
erik's being a lil unreasonable... but i understand... i hope i never get caught in the smae situation at brooke. anywayz, pls continue! great chapter!
Pretty Senshi chapter 2 . 1/18/2004
Wow, I have to admit, that was actually great:) I can't wait for the next chapter!
KristiexxNguyen chapter 2 . 1/16/2004
omg... u gotta continue! great chapter!
rollymc123 chapter 2 . 1/15/2004
Oh...my...god. No story has EVER spurred excited butterflies in my stomach : I LOVE IT! But I'm going to try to remain calm and give you a complete review...Though I'm tempted to say that nothing is wrong, that'd be impossible, so as hard as it is I shall analyze this through both perspectives...
Good: The conversations are very mature and I can completely imagine the characters with your vivid description. The plot was quick, but not rushed, so that it grabbed my attention without any shock. Also, this is very unique, very much unlike those boring stories about the single mother finding the father and falling in love and happily ever after. There's friends and pressure and I think it's a wonderfully spicy plot. Your passionate scenes are wonderful with enough detail to tickle the reader but not some sort of graphic porn (please excuse my blunt comparison). Also, you don't make Brooke look like some sort of slut (excuse me again) as others would, but instead a confused, denying, single mother looking for some stability. There's a good variety in terms of vocabulary.
Bad: The actual drunk scene with Jason and Brooke was, in my opinion, a bit too hard-hitting. I was very shocked with the immediate jump into the real plot, but that's excusable as alcohol does severely blur the senses. A technical error: in your first chapter with the lyrics, they are not italicized. You're lacking in description in terms of setting; except for Brooke's apartment, I have no idea what any location looks like. Remember that setting develops mood; for example, in the restaurant, you could've made a comfortable atmosphere that would've emphasized the awkwardness between Brooke and Jason. Then again, other times you don't want to describe the setting in order to place pounding stress on the actual event.
I hope you found this helpful; I'm sorry it was so long...it's just that I LOVE THIS STORY and I'm definitely going to tell my friends about this one. Seriously, this is a very mature, blossoming fiction among withering amateurs. Woah. Too metaphorical there...anyways, please keep updating!
hmmmmm chapter 2 . 1/15/2004
wo! that was SO awesome! it's slightly odd how she goes so quickly from jason to erik, but then again, if she felt bad, i can see how it'd happen. o.O and jason's back! ...poor brooke, the way he left her when he found out...I LOVE THIS STORY! :)
~Liu Ruibao
KristiexxNguyen chapter 1 . 1/14/2004
u gotta continue! great chapter!
Tony chapter 1 . 1/14/2004
your story is really good. Keep writing cuz I can't wait to read the next chapter. update soon:-)
hmmmmm chapter 1 . 1/14/2004
that was an awesome story!
can i expect more, or is it a one-shot?
~Liu Ruibao