|Reviews for Bubble Wrap|
| Heise chapter 1 . 12/27/2008
it reminds me of this line from the song between the bars by elliot smith
"The things you could do, you won't but you might
The potential you'll be that you'll never see."
| Verbal Essence chapter 1 . 3/5/2008
o hey, heart of the sword
You're back, been a long while since you last checked FP out.
| Disturbed Insomniac chapter 1 . 1/29/2007
I like how you put it all together.. very well done!
| Aetha Daemon chapter 1 . 4/22/2006
It is a little wordy at the beginning. All you need is stronger wording, not more words or fancy flourishes. I guess that's what we all strive for, :) But your topic is insightful and intriguing.
| Vyvyan chapter 1 . 4/5/2006
Nice. I like this one. It's too bad you aren't writing here anymore.
| Anna Vashdalal chapter 1 . 12/30/2005
Heart, you should come back to the bible section. I miss your retardation.
| brevis chapter 1 . 12/26/2005
an invaluable message delivered with powerful, eloquent prose. inspires others to stand straight, stand tall...i adore.
| marshbar960 chapter 1 . 10/2/2005
you know, i am guilty of making excuses and giving up when the road gets rough so you are not alone. anyway, thanks for sharing and keep writing!
p.s. God loves you and so do I!
| Fireeye Howlsong Rainpelt chapter 1 . 9/26/2005
I like it a lot. The triple-periods at the end sort of threw it off track, but I think it added to the mood you wanted to make.
I myself think it's very good. I myself would never be able to write something like that. I probably wouldn't even be able to think of that idea.
Oh well. It's probably because I don't spend more than fifteen minutes on my poems...oh, well.
Anyways, keep it up!
| Elizabeth Ebony chapter 1 . 7/26/2005
loads of power in this-good work.
| arcane devices chapter 1 . 5/15/2005
extremely clever, the use of metaphors are extravagant and your going inside my favorite list. -ADD
| Traced In Green chapter 1 . 5/4/2005
Well, long time, no talk. Powerful message you're trying to convey here. I like it.
| Lydia Bennet chapter 1 . 3/9/2005
It was a really good poem and flowed well within the stanzas. I know someone who embodies this one. But the last two stanzas threw me off a little. It gives a sense of urgency but is really juxtaposed. All in all I liked it, and the title is a fun metaphor.
| Solid Gold Buddhist Raccoon chapter 1 . 3/2/2005
I agree, this was extremely encouraging.
"Age, laziness, money - all bubbles / Springboards to your false dreams"
I see age as an excuse all the time. My grandfather in Thailand says he's too old to learn a new musical instrument (but he really wants to play...). Laziness is everywhere, of course. And now money! ha! I wonder if you have the implications I think of when you write this. And that was rather vague. Darnit. HMM... I have a dream. I have many dreams, in fact, but one of them is that I shall one day be able to live... without money. *nods* Why I'm tell you this I have absolutely NO idea. But I'm going to finish (mwahahaha). Call me naive, but that's what I want, that's where my potential flowers most. There will be a day when everyone WAKES up and realizes that they have a self that's not society! WOW I'm ranting. ok, I stop.
"Pop those bubbles..." I like the bubble analagy. It makes me think of those... er.. bubbles that people use to wrap things and mail them in. It's called manufactured bubble wrap ('BUBBLE WRAP!' THAT'S IT! that's what you call it!)-it's made in factories, and the heart of factories are MACHINES! and the machines work together, like society! [you can tell I'm waging this war against society...] And all we have to do is realize our potential, break away from what OTHER people think we are (which becomes a lie in our minds because other people's views become our own), get ride of the (gosh-darn) BUBBLES..
I also like how your tone (at least in my mind) remains .. almost .. ridiculing. Well, not really, but criticizing the person for not leaving "those walls of security you've raise" in this completely unsympathetic manner. The third-to-last stanza is really persuasive. It's probably the stanza I like most. I noticed that the tone changes a bit in the last two stanzas (the three-line stanzas)-it becomes encouraging but in a softer tone. hm. I wonder what would happen if you erased those last two stanzas. In other words I wonder if your argument would be stronger (or lessened) with the absense of these stanzas. In the first six stanzas, you use such AWESOME language to convey your idea, and then for some reason, I didn't feel like the last two stanzas did much to reinforce your argument. And that could be WHOLLY me, and if it is... um.. thwap me _
I'm not going to edit this whole, long rant-it's probably going to scare me at some point or another...
the Solid Gold Buddhist Raccoon
| under estimated artistsoul chapter 1 . 2/20/2005
Wow, very well written for what the title relates to. Absolutely amazing. Your a great writer.