WOW! What can I say? This is great. Especially chapter 2 it's very descriptive. Great job. You need to write more often cuz I can't wait for the next chappie! Oh, and chapter 6 of Tess Dorgan is up!

Hi! I'm the girl from the pooglemountain guild! Wow! I loved this first chapter, and can't wait to read the second...u have an incredible flair for writing! I mean, I don't even like short stories very much, but I was very interested in this one! Don't ever stop! Lol. )

WOW! I love this! I especially love fics that are set in first person. Keep writing! Oh, and Tess Dorgan is set in the future sorta... Keep writing! (wait, I said that already)

I thought this story was well written and Kiya especially seems like a round character and a real person. I always get mad at people in the books that I'm reading, and I am mad at Coltzan. I think he is participating in some illegal coniving scheme. Anyway, please post chapter 2 posthaste.

I think you're off to a really could start!

I like this. It's witty, it's cute and the girl Kiya is a very firey young woman, isn't she? Lol.
All I would say is it might need a bit more desription about the suroundings. That's all I missed from it. But apart from that, you have a nice thing going here.

hey there-
alright, first of all, i think you have an interesting start to a story. And i like your names for the chars. Question: is she a noble as well? it's hard to tell. The decorated walls and sapphires suggest she is, but the ease with which she speaks with the "commons" and the fact that everyone expects her to marry him can suggest she's a peasant. either way, me wanna know why her brother got sapphires and what's with this Coltzan.
keep it up, i look forward to reading more!
-Orph
p.s. is an awesome place for names in case ya need more *winks*

I think this is good enough for a first. Nobody's perfect, not that I found any flaws worth mentioning. The kind of atmosphere you created in this chapter seems to be just the right kind of atmosphere for the characters. Your simple and sweet style is just fine. And about your title, since I don't know about the general storyline, my suggestion is "Kiya" (which, I assume, is the name of the main character). But I'm sure you can find better titles. Keep up the good work )