Reviews for The Outlaw & The Rose
PhoenixAura chapter 2 . 12/21/2005
Okay, you got my attention. I liked the idea of Jason being taken in by an outlaw, and I kinda like where this is going. A couple things though; your sentence structures are far too repetitive and it stilts out the flow of the story. Try making them a bit longer or mix it up a bit so it's easier to read. Also, try adding a bit more detail, like what the characters can hear or what they feel - is the heat bearing down on them? Is the town just silent and empty? It'll help with the flow and the readers can then find it easier to imagine whats going on. Other than that, keep it up - you're doing well.
l'ilmissnitpick chapter 2 . 6/28/2005
well, i have to admit, you've piqued my curiosity. i am almost embarassed to admit it, but i honestly never thought that a male was capable of such an unabashed attempt at a love story. male writers are not the norm at fictionpress, much less writers who pen their thoughts on romance, but a fresh perspective goes a long way in establishing the newfound respect that you have inspired. speaking as a fellow 16-year old, i also want to congratulate you on your successful bid to publish your work. your passion for writing, religion and historical fiction are evident throughout your work and are an inspiration to other young, aspiring authors. keep up the good work!
Silent Smile chapter 2 . 2/17/2004
Hey, it's me, your newests e-mailing pal. . .I think.
Well, anyway, I said I would read this and I did.
Do you know that I had to register to review your very good story.
I like the name I picked.
It suits me.
Your story is very good.
I find it funny though that a western girl thought about her knight in shining armor sweeping her off her feet.
Get it?
The west and knights?
I'll keep reading you story.
Who knows?
Maybe that I have finally taken a look at I will write my own story.
I am definatly consendering it.
Update soon!
aqua-angel chapter 2 . 2/10/2004
Heya! Awesome story you got, I like how you set everything up. You could use a bit more descriptions tho... just slightly. Some of the sentences are a bit choppy. Everything else is pretty good. Wow, I can guess Jason is supposedly the "knight in shining armor" but he was also part of the plan to kill his father. Oh the irony... The story definitely has potential tho :) update soon
PS: thanks for reviewing North Star, very much appreciated!
AmberEye chapter 2 . 2/9/2004
This is a pretty good story so far, but maybe you should watch out for repeating things while people talk, I noticed that when you were writing you'd say something twice, not always in the same words but it was the exact same idea. It'd be a good idea to put more details in your story so the readers know more about the setting and stuff. It makes it more interesing. Otherwise, good start and keep writing
HistoryLover521 chapter 2 . 2/7/2004
Good chapter, short but I like it
MoonRiver64 chapter 2 . 2/7/2004
This story is off to a grand start! I loved this chapter...who cares if someone finds it "fairy" talish! After all I'm "just another boring romantic/that's me."
Western Pro chapter 1 . 2/6/2004
Hmm...I'm not too sure about this one. The whole outlaw thing is a little screwed up and dumb. Have you read many westerns? 'All that could be seen on the lone prairie was the group of outlaws.' Seriously, that sounds pretty lame, or bland. Nobody would be able to tell they're outlaws just by looking at them. Okay, so they look rough and dangerous, but not only the outlaws looked rough and dangerous. Every time you wrote outlaws I cringed. Write men, not outlaws. And if you don't like using men, use dangerous men. Sorry, but that's just what I think. Louis L'amour would never write 'the outlaws did this, or the outlaws did that'. Do you understand what I'm getting at? Feel free to email me if you have any questions.
HistoryLover521 chapter 1 . 2/6/2004
Good story so far. very well written.
Tina T chapter 1 . 2/5/2004
This is really good. I like the outlaw thing. It was a little confusing in some of the back and forth dialogue things, but I really like it. I can't wait for more!