Reviews for Watersong
Ryka chapter 2 . 4/10/2007
One small correction, eighth paragraph from the top:

"rough-spun cloth that all of the orphan’s wore"

There shouldn't be an apostrophe in "orphans."

I thoroughly enjoy your writing. :-)
GryphonFledglingOfSilverWings chapter 2 . 5/9/2006
Hmm... Seems like someone is a halfbreed of something and something else... Hmm...

Anyway, hello there again.

What kind of food was out that it wouldn't be substancial enough for a journey to the nearest town?

Ooh... Human sacrifices and weird dreams... This sounds interesting. I think that Briar could have used a little more angst in her predicament. Yes, she does have a few problems, but there is again the "story moving a little fast" problem and I really don't feel any sympathy for her. AGH!

Okay day, it is late and I need to go to bed. Great story. I'll see if I can read further and grace your screen with my words of flawless critique and glowing praise.

GryphonFledglingOfSilverWings
GryphonFledglingOfSilverWings chapter 1 . 5/9/2006
Hey Gryph, its Gryph...

Trying to reach my quota for "100 reviews" and realized that I have not yet faithfully reviewed any of your works. A thousand apologies...

Anyway, it seemed to me that the prologue was unneccesary in this context. You could just cut it and insert the information somewhere else as it comes into play in the characters' lives. If this is supposed to be being told by someone to an audience, make sure that you end with that person finishing it off. Nothing is more frustrating then having someone beginning to guide you along, then being gone by the end of the book. Anyway, that was my two cents on that.

The story seems to move really fast to me. Now, this is only the first chapter I understand and this is old, but it just seems fast. Also, the flashback in the beginning was very disorienting. It is usually best to introduce a character fully over at least a chapter or two before inserting flashbacks. Now granted, I have done it before that myself, but it never seems to work out well.

Your poetry for the prayer songs is really beautiful. I like how it is pretty much the same thing, but with minor differences in the words, the entire meaning can be changed.

The Shadow seems a little young to have aquired her status. She must have started training at like two to get to be the best in the world at nineteen. I would like to see an assassin that was the best at their trade in like their fifties instead of the customary fantasy sixteen-to-twentyfive age range that seems to be most popular. After all, it is not just training but experience that makes you good.

Anyway, this sounds like a great beginning and I will mosey on down to the next chapter now...

GryphonFledglingOfSilverWings
Princess Chloe chapter 11 . 1/5/2006
Well, hello there.

I finally got around to this (and the very very sad thing is that I'm at work, how ironic is that?) and I have to say it was a great read! I loved the way it was told. It struck me as an epic tale. Very nicely done.

I enjoyed Shadow, Rowan, and Alsan, and would have liked to see more of Dha'rian (boy did he ever have a cool name). You had an interesting plot as well...threw a few surprises at me. Good job for you. I would say definitely pursue publishing. *grins*

Good luck re-writing! All the best. ~Marina
silverwing56 chapter 10 . 4/8/2005
GO GRYPHON YOU SO TAOTALLY ROCK!~best pals for life...!silverwing56
Warrior Girl Kiera chapter 1 . 3/19/2005
Nice story! Off to read now, bye!
Himig chapter 11 . 3/1/2005
okay, I haven't read ALL of it but seeing the first chapter, it is good. I think this is your first fiction.

Anyway, very good :D
Casey Drake chapter 11 . 2/27/2005
I say again. i like.

:) CD
Casey Drake chapter 10 . 2/27/2005
i thought Air helped the Worldmaker?
Casey Drake chapter 8 . 2/27/2005
er. is the Earth's'guardian supposed to sound scottish? If you could tell me, that would be an improvement on my mental reading.
Kayla Hayes chapter 1 . 1/5/2005
Whoa. I only read the prolouge and i am totally being drawn into it. You are an amazing writer.
Casey C chapter 11 . 12/19/2004
Nice conclusion Shadow Gryphon! I'll be onto Fate's Winds as soon as I have some more time! Hopefully over X-mas break.

Can't wait to see it once it has been totally reworked, the description and additions you've made to those first three chapters adds much to the story over all! Good work and can't wait to read more! _
Casey C chapter 8 . 12/18/2004
Hi! De/Lily Pierce/Deanna Marie told me to review you and I've finally made it to you on my list _

So far so excellent! Can't believe there are only really three chapters left though! I'll probably read something else of yours when I'm done so uh yeah. Don't know why I bothered to mention that :P

Anyhow, Alsan's really fun! So we've now met 5 guardians, is that everyone? *can't remember* Shadow's pretty cool too while Rowan confuses me at time. All in all good work! Can't wait to read more!
Luthy chapter 1 . 11/27/2004
This is very good, it truly is! But it could be so much better. I know you're revising and redoing it so perhaps you'll be fixing it up a bit, but I thought I might drop some suggestions in the grammar and punctuation are for the most part very painless and I applaud you! There are a few instances where you use a comma or apostrophe incorrectly, but they aren't such a big deal. The main thing I want to point out is how quickly the story moves. It's a big story, but the way it's written now it's short. It could be much longer, more in-depth. It would, then, have much more emotional impact and be much more a flahsback right at the beginning of a story is generally not the best way to go - you're disrupting the reader's sense of the world before he or she even gets truly settled in it. There are only three paragraphs of the actual story before you go into flashback. I would suggest that you start with the flashback and then merge into the present time - you won't disrupt the reader so much then and you still get your backstory without having to use the much-abused literary device of the flashback.I don't have any more time now, so I hope those general tips are helpful to you. This is a great story and I look forward to seeing it get even better.
Lily Pierce chapter 11 . 11/26/2004
Woo-hoo, I'm back! *grins like a maniac* I'm sorry I haven't reviewed in so long, but I wanted to re-read this and "Fate's Winds" before I read 'Fate and Fire', and I haven't gotten around to it until now... Hopefully I'll be able to at least finish "Fate's Winds" before school starts again. Anyway, I'm really sorry for being gone so long. *sighs* Please forgive me?
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