Reviews for Beyond His Wildest Dreams
Tanoa chapter 1 . 3/26/2006
WOW! that was cool! i was really into it. It's a good story. me like it, can't wait for the next
brevis chapter 1 . 3/30/2005
Hey! I really loved this story. As already said, irony abound...but it does make things a whole lot more interesting. I suppose the drunk was lucky - it's mostly those type of people who die.
ayliannah chapter 1 . 8/23/2004
Ironic? oh yes! another good story! you have only one error in the story.
'Kardur delivered the items to the flames, chanting softly the words he had memorized years ago and had kept him awake countless nights with their fiery promise of his heart’s secret desires.'
You start on one subject then rapidly move to another. Quite confusing but it works out well to those that dont see it at first. ;) Very nice work!
Raven Aorla chapter 1 . 8/13/2004
I love the ending. This story is a tribute to dark irony. I hadn't known about your fictionpress account, or I would have checked it out sooner. Thanks for reading me as well!
childe of white 19 chapter 1 . 7/15/2004
You are really pulled into the story while you are reading it. I swear, acid dripped down on my own face. Your words are that descriptive, and form amazing images. Your tone is very consistant and fits well. The end was a nice touch.
Greed chapter 1 . 7/11/2004
Wow... I loved that story. You really built it up well, and the plot twist was executed very nicely.
Phoenix-Pen chapter 1 . 7/10/2004
Nicely ironic.
Morbane chapter 1 . 6/7/2004
Kardur's manner of losing his protective wards did amuse me quite a lot. That's just painfully ironic. Loved this story; great build-up which was really fascinating. Only noticed one mistake:
'Kardur delivered the items to the flames, chanting softly the words he had memorized years ago and had kept him awake countless nights with their fiery promise of his heart’s secret desires.'
That's sort of anacoluthon-y; the subject of the sentence changes ungrammatically.
Ending slightly anticlimactic, but humorous.
'Bergran, the elder of the Dark Souls, of the entities that roamed the Otherworld feeding off the pain of the dead and those who mourned them.'
I love that description.
Anglachel67 chapter 1 . 5/27/2004
Way cool! That was really fascinating. I couldn't stop reading. Good job.
Tipped chapter 1 . 5/4/2004
That was quite captivating. I can't really think of any suggestions-considering that I only read this genre, I can't really write it. Great ending! Oh my God, that was funny. Ha ha, great story, I loved it.
I'd really appreciate it if you'd review me when you get a chance. Thanks!
Melissa Lea Night chapter 1 . 4/28/2004
this is very well done. i like the fact that first off, you know what your talking about because your a witch so you know what your writing and that makes the story more powerful and influencial. i honestly have no complains and i wish i can give some sort of constructive critisism, but i think this is great. my question is are you going to continue this? or was this mostly a one shot piece?
thank you for your imput on my piece the cat and the fox, i have updated the chapter you reviewed and i would be honored if you could re-read it and see if it's more fitting this time around.
neunundneunzig chapter 1 . 4/25/2004
Wow. The irony!
You are an excellent writer, especially considering English is not your first language. It was very good; it seems like the last chapter in some book, but it's still got everything. Superb! :)
Nickolaus Pacione chapter 1 . 4/12/2004
The only grip I have with this one is that it is way too short. You could make this one so much longer, though it is a good story. I see the humor in this one; imaginative story. It is more humorous than scary.
NewbiaTheElf chapter 1 . 4/4/2004
Pro: A very interesting, imaginative story. It kept me interested in the fate of the drunk and Kardur through the story and you managed to develop Kardur's personality very well despite that this is a short story.
Con: You never described how Kardur or the drunk look like, or why the spells didn't work. Also, I'd like to know about Kardur's past, it's a little confusing as to where he learned about the demon and who/what the Seven Rites were.
Earthsong12 chapter 1 . 3/24/2004
This is very good, nice and creepy. I like the way you mix the instructions for the rite with the story near the beginning.
One thing that conufused me was the bit about the demon demanding that the drunk be "released". How was Kardur holding him? That could be explained a bit more. Also, if the demon is so powerful, and can get Kardur anything he wants, how could people hide the rite from him? What place is beyond his reach? Lastly, the sentence where Miur is described as "feeling his body sore and in humiliation realized..." is awkward. "Miur stood, feeling his sore body, and realized in hmuliation..." might work better.
Overall, I loved this. The writing is good and the description is great. Good job.
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