|Reviews for vintage|
| eyes of sky chapter 1 . 2/11/2005
the image worked best in the second verse, i think, and the last words "dark with bottled years" were especially beautiful and memorable. the only thought i had was that the word "rise" would sit better than "risen". but then again, it would not convey the feeling of history
| JazzPizza chapter 1 . 9/24/2004
Beautiful, rich autumn imagery. You use grammar to great effectiveness.
My only suggestions would be to take away the "and" at the beginning of the second stanza, and perhaps to change the "seeming greatest glory of all of our days" - the word "seeming" feels awkward.
| Infinite Smiles chapter 1 . 4/13/2004
Great imagery, beautiful wording...Well done.
You are definately going into my favorites.
| Juliet Squared chapter 1 . 3/14/2004
I'm honestly speechless. You make me look like a fool, with all my now-mediocre seeming poetry on this website. Truly, truly amazing. I don't know what else to say.
| Belphegor 665 chapter 1 . 3/9/2004
Everything I said about you was spot on. This poem could easily be the lyrics to a noisecore song. I don't know if this is the effect you were going for or not, but there you go.
| Misanthropic Sylph chapter 1 . 3/6/2004
I think it is a very good metaphor and fits in nicely with the subject. It'd be nice if it had a set form or meter but that's just my personal opinion. The language was lovely but I think it'd be a little more lyrical if there were some alliteration, but it's not really needed.
| aleppine chapter 1 . 2/23/2004
! This is so amazing. All I could think while reading it is how wonderful the metaphor is, and all the flavours trapped in the fresh fruit, the fermented fruit, a stain or sniff of the final distilled alcohol ...
'grapes of that tim' ... metaphor took some thinking about as you read this, not cos it's overcomplex (it's not) but because it is so BIG. And love and blood both being associated with those darker wine tints, and 'passed under the sun' made me think of ripening fruit ...
The second stanza was what really blew me away. 'Vineyard of my mind', to secure the metaphor into place. And the way it carries through itself through right to 'cool cellar, dark with bottled years' ...
The image worked wowly. Please, more.
Can I keep a copy for this?
0_o Og the yummery.
Funny, I don't actually drink ...
I need to stop ranting ... this is what happens when you review between two lectures on a 12 hour day before which you had 2 hours' sleep ...
| AntiPleasure chapter 1 . 2/22/2004
I like the usage of the fruit and such in this poem. I think it works well and you've portrayed this poem in such a good way.
"Risen up in me like breath come to fruition;"
"so full, so ripe, a thousand nuances"
Good descriptions, I like those two lines the most. Keep writing.
Check out some of my stuff if you wish, it would make my day. )