Reviews for Rhyme of the Ancient Spacefarer |
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![]() ![]() ![]() Explanations are always welcome. I liked the part with the poem, because those two lines were very appropriate in that context. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Those were good revelations. I didn't see them coming. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Surprise me and actually finish Dimitri off. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Nice first chapter. I can see your grasp of science fiction has really improved. You've seemed to done a bit of research on the naval aspect and it really reflects in your story but the thing that I have a slight qualm with is your dialogue. It seems too.. casual. I know this future is based around your perspective but I think if you took some time to watch some space fleet shows (my suggestion watch the new Gundam Seed that came out on CartoonNetwork. Although they butchered most of it, it's still worth a watch). You'll see the jargon is a bit different from what you have. ie. “Third missile incoming!” whatever happened to ETA? From what I've read so far, you've kept it simple and clean which reflects you don't have a GIANT grasp on it, but you have the basics. nice first chapter. i'll try and see if i can read the others later. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Yikes! Well, the Captain has a motive, which is good. I hate it when the villains just appear to be 'bad' for absolutely no reason. It's a pity that Clark and Dimitri got back just in time to get killed again, but I guess they'll find a way of getting out of this sticky situation. I'm just curious to see how they manage to do it. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Another good chapter. I really like that you explain everything scientifically about the ship and what is happening, it helps make it more real, and more logical. I like logic. ah my, i would say more but I am tired and cannot think of anything more to say. So I will leave you with the assurance that I was not dissapointed by this chapter, and wish to know more of what happens... |
![]() ![]() ![]() Aha! More action. The Captain is certainly very determined. This story is making me feel out of my depth; I'm not sure what to say. It's good. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Quirky concept. Excellent still. Gripping. Writing has stayed consistently good. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Absolutely fantastic writing. I really do enjoy space operas, and so far, while not being a particularly groundbreaking specimen of the breed, it is superbly written and good times to read. The characterization is all right, given the short time we're given to know the characters before they snuff it. One tip: The line "It fired upon the /Nautilus/." might have more dramatic punch if it was more concise-brevity is the soul of wit, and all that. Perhaps just "It opened fire"? Splendid! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Hmm. Makes me wonder what he's targeting. I enjoy the statistics and the history being tied in but not being fully explained. It's a nice touch. I'm also wondering why the fuel tank is so low. Good writing. |
![]() ![]() ![]() The Captain is a very interesting character. I liked the bit at the start (“Might I ask why, sir?"). |
![]() ![]() ![]() I'm glad Clark and Dimitri are alive. Another exciting chapter. You know how to keep readers on the edge of their seats. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Another good chapter. So much is going on that it can be hard to keep track, but you're certainly doing a great job of keeping the story moving. |
![]() ![]() Brilliantly mysterious. I love the way the action just rolls off of the page. The characters flourish with every word. And it's an original idea. It's simply awesome. Keep up the good work. Might do to clear up some of the mysticism, though. Hard to keep the crews apart at first, but then, maybe that's what you're going for. |
![]() ![]() ![]() OOh, wow. Didn't see that coming. I had to read the last paragraph twice. Very, very good. This just keeps getting better as you go! -Raven Oghma |